What does Paul Ryan listen to while pumping iron?
What does Paul Ryan listen to while pumping iron?

It was a tweet linking to a New York Times article with a kicker that seemed almost too good to be true—Paul Ryan, after the defeat of his health care bill, driving away in his S.U.V and blasting “Last Resort” by nu-metal band Papa Roach. Of course, it wasn’t true, after all—the fake kicker was added by writer Justin Halpern—but that didn’t stop the band from snapping back on Twitter: “When we feel defeated, we listen to Paul Ryan.”

The Speaker of the House’s music taste tends to lean towards metal and hard rock—he once claimed Rage Against the Machine was his favorite band—though he later said he “hates the lyrics.” Last Spring, Ryan released a Spotify playlist that included Metallica, Cake, The Verve, and Miranda Lambert—the sole female vocalist of the mix (ironically, the song he included by her was “White Liar”).

Here's is a playlist of songs that Ryan might enjoy rocking out to as he pumps iron or starts growing a faux-hipster beard or whatever he does to try and get over this recent staggering defeat.

AC/DC, “Shot Down in Flames”

That feeling when desperate 11th hour attempts to just get Trumpcare on the house floor fail, and the self-defeating fury that follows it. Like the hapless creep at the bar who gets rejected by the “hot babe,” Ryan’s dreams of “destroying the American health care system” (a Freudian slip in a 2013 speech) got shot down in flames, too.

Linkin’ Park, “Numb”

Ryan didn’t want to ‘sugarcoat’ his disappointment about the setback (“Big things are hard!”), so maybe metal-rock band Linkin’ Park’s ode to emo pain is the perfect salve for Ryan’s bruised ego, because it’s hard not to feel numb after having to pull a bill off the floor just minutes before the votes are cast.

Hootie and the Blowfish, “Time”

“Time, why you punish me,” croons Darius Rucker. If only Ryan had more time—say, seven more years—to really make the American Health Care Act shine! If his speaker gig doesn’t work out, he could help Rucker reform the band—maybe then they could rename it Hootie and the Blowhard.

Beastie Boys, “Sabotage”

He can’t stand it, he knows you planned it! It’s probably not hard to feel paranoid as the FBI probes a high-level political scandal, and the GOP battles with each other. Bannon once promised he’d destroy Ryan’s career, and Trump himself may throw Ryan under the bus in another attempt to make a bill that can pass. Listen all ya’ll, it’s a sabotage!

Metallica, “Don’t Tread on Me”

Although James Hetfield said the song was not meant to be political, it was “…just one of those 'don't fuck with us' songs”—the lyric, "to secure peace, is to prepare for war" is a perfect symbol for Ryan’s un-ironic, doublespeak worldview.

Ted Nugent, “Paralyzed”

While Ryan’s attempt at replacing Obamacare wasn’t exactly “a mission of mercy” like in the song, it’s highly probable that Ryan listens to Nugent, who supports Trump and has compared political correctness to “a public cancer that has eroded free speech and everything else good about America.”

Nickelback, “Leader of Men”

After a long week of begging and pleading your party’s congressmen to vote on your failed bill, you might need to take a step back and just reevaluate. “I am not a leader of men,” state the lyrics, “you think I could have a drink/Since it's so hard to swallow.” It’s a bitter pill, Paul!

Rancid, “Sick Sick World”

For now, the world won’t be as sick as it could have been if this bill had passed. Nevertheless, to Ryan it’s a sick, sick world when only 17 percent of voters supported a bill that would have forced millions of Americans to lose their coverage, and cause premiums to skyrocket for the infirm and elderly. What is wrong with people?

Led Zeppelin, “Communication Breakdown”

Maybe it was all a big hot mess of miscommunication. The Freedom Caucus wanted one thing, the moderates, another, and Trump just seemed distracted by his phone.

Taylor Swift, “Bad Blood” feat. Kendrick Lamar

Don’t think that Ryan doesn’t appreciate some occasional pop music, in the form of superstar Taylor Swift. After this debacle, there’ll surely be some bad blood between Ryan, the Trump administration, and the members of the Freedom Caucus. Just remember, Paul, when and if you try this again, that ‘band-aids don’t fix bullet holes!’

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