w/ Heavy Johnson Trio, High on Fire
July 20

Lachrymator almost had to cancel this show, because one of the band's guitarists, Stane Dethenstein (ex-Kung Fu's), was supposed to go on vacation with his ailing grandfather. Instead, Dethenstein asked his grandpa if he could postpone. Grandpa agreed, saying that he wanted to do his part for the "propagation of metal" [paraphrased]. Conclusion: Grandpa Dethenstein is a radical dude, and only from such a metal-dedicated lineage could a musician like Dethenstein (and a band like Portland's Lachrymator) emerge.

To make very good, tight metal that is sludgy and musical, melodic and powerful, the single most important element is guitar virtuosity. Without a guitarist who is able to play metal chords and hot licks, a band might as well call itself "grunge" and cash in its chips at the closest KUFO office.

Lachrymator, whose brain-crushing riffs are far too sophisticated for such nonsense, has not one, but two guitar masters: Dethenstein and ex-Regraped guitarist Pfist San Guino. Together with Bozart/ Holgater drummer Waste Sexsmith (who replaced Aaron Fratis, who replaced Grant Mainland, who replaced Edgar, who replaced Grant Mainland the first time), Lachrymator plays fist-clenching instru-metal with the vehement damage of a very SERIOUS Olde English metal font. (Example: METAL FONT.) All of Lachrymator's past bassists are either deceased (RIP) or MIA, so they are forced to rely on their devastating licks to strike fear and admiration in the hearts of their audience.

Beyond that, all descriptions of metal fail because, let's face it, either metal is really good or really bad--there's not much in between. If you like the Fucking Champs, Lachrymator is similar, but with way less treble and no irony. If you love Master of Puppets, you will like Lachrymator. Lachrymator fucking rulz.

The entire female editorial staff of the Mercury is starting a Lachrymator Fan Club. If you would like to join, get a white T-shirt, write the word "LACHRYMATOR" on it in metal lettering (or an approximation thereof) with a Sharpie, and attend their concert with the Heavy Johnson Trio and High on Fire this Friday at Satyricon. If you are truly hardcore, you will add studs to the T-shirt with a BeDazzler™. Make sure you get there early, because they're playing first.