Soon-Yi

Laser Creed, OMSI's interpretive laser light show of Creed's music, is the greatest musical experience in the history of sound for three reasons: God, Rock-n-Motherfuckin' Roll, and big fat lasers!

It's like a wholesome Christian Tron, where the projected lasers duke it out, set to the uplifting God-Rock sounds of Creed, the bazillion-selling grunge band with the homoerotic lead singer. Each majestic flash of laser light seems to rain down from the heavens, and each passionate note of Creed's symphony of rock sounds as if it's being played straight from God's personal SONY five-disc CD player complete with Bose sub-woofers and Pioneer speakers.

Minutes after it begins, laser "characters" appear on the planetarium's ceiling: an angel (good) and a devil (very bad) fight it out set to the distortion-soaked guitar solo of Creed's axeman Mark Tremonti. Some other laser "characters" show up, including a weird in-utero laser baby that flips and twirls like a drunken gymnast. Plus, there is this trippy laser fallopian-tube thing, which takes you for a ride as it twists and turns like an actual internal organ.

And there is the laser Scott Stapp, which is the laser doppelganger for Creed's hunky singer. Laser Stapp appears sporadically throughout this action-packed presentation. Usually it's just his head, but I would kill to see a laser version of his muscle-covered body and that tight ass. (Hey, who wouldn't?) Anyway, Laser Stapp graces our presence to belt out a note during the epic climax to one of the band's majestic tunes, or even to shed a soft laser tear during the band's weepy ballads.

Besides being a Christian stoner's dream come true, Laser Creed offers more than just ear-damaging loud music and bright flashing lights--there is a fog machine! Huge erotic spurts of fog blast from the mysterious spout as you wonder where the hell the machine is located. (Here's a tip, it's really dark in there, so don't even bother looking!) After a while, being in a locked room with lingering fog makes it difficult to breathe, but that's just the way Laser Creed works.