Ladies, Gentlemen, and those in between: Welcome to the Mercury's semi-monthly column, the Mercury Music Trivia Challenge, in which genius music geeks and freaks take each other on in the nerdiest of battles: music trivia.
For this installment, in honor of our music issue (see pg 11), we got one of the best fucking musicians on earth: booty-licious bump-tech rapper Gold Chains (aka Topher Lafata). Chains' latest, hottest recording, Straight from Your Radio, amazes and contorts with the bump-tastic dancefloor hits "Human Pony Girl," "Mountains of Coke," and, simply, "I Treat your Cootchie Like a Maze."
Topher's challenger is local rocker lady/resident music genius Rynnes, who's not in a band, but whose enthusiasm about music is simply staggering. Rynnes can be seen at local shows dancing, screaming, and generally kicking ass with her palpable energy.
So, here's how it works: Each contestant gets ten questions of and pertaining to the trivia of music. The winner of the match will be declared "Grand Champion Music Geek" and forced to take on new challengers until they die or we get really bored.
The Mercury Music Trivia Challenge!
1) What hyper-intellectual writer/DJ coined the term "illbient" to describe his type of urban electronic music?
2) On her 1996 debut, what hotsy-totsy rapper declared, "So far, came through this year with no bra"?
3) True or False: The Plasmatics' Wendy O. Williams committed suicide by hanging.
4) What 1985 pop hit was jointly sung by a member of Genesis and a member of Earth Wind and Fire.
5) Name two of the surviving Ramones?
6) What song am I thinking of RIGHT NOW?
7) Who was the recipient of the 2002 Soul Train Aretha Franklin award?
8) How many members of Sleater-Kinney are lesbos?
9) Stephin Merritt of the Magnetic Fields is known to carry around his dog everywhere like a little baby. What type of dog is it?
10) Yo La Tengo portrayed what band in the film I Shot Andy Warhol?
1) "Mr. DJ Spooky." CORRECT!
2) "Hmmmm. " WRONG!
3) "False I think she did the gun thing." CORRECT!
4) "Easy Lover." CORRECT!
5) "Marky and Johnny?" CORRECT!
6) "'It's a Rainy Day Sunshine Girl' by Faust?" WRONG!
7) "PJ Harvey?" WRONG!
8) "Does anyone know this for sure? Perhaps all of them." WRONG!
9) "Chihuahua?" CORRECT!
10) "The V.U.?" CORRECT!
1) "'Ill' what? I have no idea." WRONG!
2) "Pink?" WRONG!
3) "False." CORRECT!
4) "You know what? In 1985, I was seven years old. Earth Wind and Fire? I was like, not even born yet." WRONG!
5) "Tommy, and then C something not C.C. cause that's Poison. C.J.?" CORRECT!
6) "You're thinking of 'Easy Lover' cause you wish you were Phil Collins!" CORRECT!
7) "Alicia Keys? I don't know; where's the Steely Dan questions?" WRONG!
8) "All of them!" WRONG!
9) "Chihuahua?" CORRECT!
10) "The Velvet Underground." CORRECT!
AND WE HAVE A WINNER!
And, though it was soooo close Gold Chains, aka Topher Lafata, eked by Rynnes with a whopping SIX answers correct to her five! A hearty congratulations to Mr. Chains!
And if you think you have the cajones to challenge Mr. Chains in the next installment of the MTC, email firstname.lastname@example.org. GOOD NIGHT!
Answers! 1. DJ Spooky 2. Foxy Brown 3. False; she shot herself. 4. "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins and Philip Bailey 5. Johnny, Marky, Tommy, Richie, and CJ 6. "Easy Lover" 7. Ashanti, and it's fucking ridiculous. 8. One 9. Chihuahua 10. Velvet Underground