THURSDAY 5/30

THE DOLOMITES, REVEREND GLASSEYE AND HIS WOODEN LEGS, MIDNITE CHOIR, T-MINUS

(Satyricon, 125 NW 6th) Sinister cabaret pastiche is the theme for this evening, with attitudes Edward Gorey would love and tunes guaranteed to whisk you back to turn-of-the-(19th)-century New York, where your chances of being murdered by a blunt, crude, or painful instrument were greatly increased. All the way from Boston, MA, Reverend Glasseye and his band of musician ne'er-do-wells hath limped. Excellent carnival music for the handlebar mustachioed and recently deceased, Glasseye sings in a scratchy, sad voice over klezmer/calliope-influenced vaudeville tunes about subjects such as dead children, the devil, and.. dead adults. Portland's awesome The Dolomites conjure their own deadness in a similar form, with a sea shanty here and there. It will be excellent fun for all, especially those who enjoy creepiness. JULIANNE SHEPHERD

BRITNEY SPEARS

(Rose Garden, 1401 N Wheeler) Britney is playing tonight. She has a Barbie doll modeled after her face. JS

THE HIVES, ONE MAN ARMY, MOONEY SUZUKI, THE REIGNING SOUND

(Crystal, 1334 W Burnside) Once again, Sweden's Hives have returned to the states to assault us with their high-energy, punk rock 'n' roll. Taking their influences from '60s garage rock, '70s punk, and '80s new wave, they've come up with their own brand of music that would make even the most reserved spectator work themselves into an uncontrollable dance frenzy. The last time the Hives came through Portland, they left over 100 people floored, due to the crazy stage performance of lead singer Howlin' Pete Almqvist. One Man Army does the '77 punk thing, not unlike the Clash, and Greg Oblivion, formerly of the Memphis blues punk trio The Oblivions, opens with his new band, the Reigning Sound, whose country-flavored ballads will have you crying. JOEL JETT See Music pg 23

THE PRIDS, THE LACK, OTHER MEN MY AGE

(Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny) With Portland's favorite new wavers, The Prids, come Columbus' The Lack, whose electronic/industrial beats butt heads with its new wave guitar side to make a pretty good, computerized dark explosion. Also playing: Other Men My Age, featuring members of The "New" Terror Class and Harriet the Spy. I know, it's a tough choice between Britney and these guys, but because you believe in doom, you will attend this show. JS

BRAINDANCE COINCIDENCE: DMX KREW, BOGDAN ROCYNSKI, OVUCA, CYLOB

(Blackbird, 3728 Ne Sandy) See Music pg 21


FRIDAY 5/31

QUASI, GLASS CANDY, HOLY SONS

(Blackbird) Portland's favorite popmentalists, Quasi, already make more layers of sound than one would expect for two folks... but what will happen when they add the powerful arms of ex-Unwound drummer Sara Lund, and the prog-a-luscious fingers of indierock god Ash Bowie, who blew our frigging minds in Polvo, Helium, and Libraness? This is supposedly a one-off, but imagine the possibilities if they formed a Quasi supergroup; I, for one, would pop a big boner. Glass Candy, with whom Quasi requested to play, is the art-damaged, minimalist fashion punk with jagged edges and lead singer Ida No screaming the fuck out of everything. JS

BENEFIT FOR LESBIAN AVENGERS STARRING THE CHASE, POM POM MELTDOWN, JOHN BELUSHI FINISHING SCHOOL, DJ AMBER

(Red & Black, 2138 SE Division) If you don't know who the Lesbian Avengers are, they are a group of lesbians who go around the city doing various forms of protest, guerilla theater, and different actions, all of which increase awareness and support for and about the lesbian community. They deserve to be supported. But a more compelling reason for going to this show is that the bands are a nice showcase of the lesbian talent here in Portland. Pom Pom Meltdown is a fabulously punk, progressive, and very loud trio of chicks, and The Chase, with a similar amount of energy, features cello and drums. KATIA DUNN

FROM MONUMENT TO MASSES, THE INTIMA, DORKY YELLOW SWANS, TWO GUYS

(Meow Meow, 230 SE Pine) See Music pg 21

WILLIE NELSON TRIBUTE NIGHT STARRING FERNANDO, LITTLE SUE, JONAH HOWARD, MORE

(Fez, 316 SW 11th) Willie Nelson is one of the best people I can think of to devote a tribute night to, because he has written so many freakin' songs that there's bound to be at least one that every schmoe can cover with feeling. Plus, let's face it, as great as Willie is, his songs are pretty simple and easy to play. Lucky for us, the acts playing here aren't schmoes. They're some of Portland's best folk/country singers, so they'll probably be able to pull off a lot of songs with heart. KD

THE MAKERS, RICK BAIN, MY REGRETS

(Berbati's) I remember the days when I used to go to a Makers show and all hell would break loose: Fights would break out, spit and bottles would fly through the air, and a few people would get tossed out the back of the club. Sadly, those days are gone, and the Makers are off to pursue a different, more refined sound. Promoting their new album, The Strangest Parade, you can hear these "Rock Star Gods" moving in a direction where the influences of glitter rock from the early-to mid '70s are taking hold and not letting go. You will now hear songs that are reminiscent of Bowie, T-REX, and Mott The Hoople--instead of the Stones, the Sonics, or The Music Machine. The Makers still deliver the goods live--they just do it in a slightly different way. JJ

BUCKWHEAT ZYDECO

(Aladdin, 3017 SE Milwaukie) Although some purists have bemoaned Buckwheat Zydeco as a sell-out, those naysayers are only speaking out of jealousy. Tsk! Tsk! It is not his fault that the public appetite for the New Orleans gumbo of funk, R&B accordion grinding and fun-time Mardi Gras music has grown wildly since the 1987 release of steamy The Big Easy (in which Buckwheat Zydeco played the house-band). Really, he hasn't changed a foot-stomping beat in 50 years of performing. PHIL DOT BUSSE


SATURDAY 6/1

MIRAH, THE BLOW, C.O.C.O., CALVIN JOHNSON

(VFW Hall, SE 9th and Mill) See Music pg 19

ENGORGED, IMPALED, BUNG

(Satyricon) Engorged's speed metal is intricate and discernible, unlike a lot of far crappier metal bands that play noisy, angry slop. With primal scream vocals, Engorged's music comes from the dark part of the Id and is so high energy that undoubtedly the entire crowd will be pulled into their demonic, mathy swirl. Obviously, Metallica is not releasing another album that anyone over 12 will like, so it's time we start looking for new heroes... KATIE SHIMER

HANDMADE BAZAAR STARRING SHEMO, MIRAH, ROY TINSEL, DELTA DART

(5742 NE Mallory, 11 am) Hurrah! The Mallory House Bazaar is back, in which local craftspeople sell their wares (paintings, slap bracelets, zines, whatever) and great music fills the yard up with love. Starring all sorts of acoustic heartbreak and quirk from the above notated artists. JS

DAVID CROSS, ULTRABABYFAT

(Crystal) David Cross, from Mr. Show, writes absurdly over-the-top skits that pretty much impress everyone with their offensiveness. And because the show was too fucking good, it got cancelled, because it cast a death pallor over all the other lame bullcrap that the TV devils try to pass off as comedy. But he's really, REALLY funny. He's also performing with Ultrababyfat, a Hotlantan rock band worth their weight in scummy power. JS

PHO BANG STARRING THE EPOXIES

(Berbati's) See Music pg 19

THE DECEMBERISTS CD RELEASE, THE VESPERTINES, BUDDY PANTS

(Blackbird) One of the best singer-songwriters in town is the wonderful Colin Meloy, who can turn a folk tale into a melancholy adventure, and sing it in the most heart-melting, honest voice imaginable. Tonight, he and his band, The Decemberists (upright bass, accordion, keyboards, drums), release their excellent, well-written album on Hush Records, entitled Castaways and Cutouts. With the harmonious pop of the Vespertines and the hilarious drunken comedy of our favorite Long Island pervert, Buddy Pants. JS

KMFDM, PIG, KIDNEY THIEVES

(Roseland, NW 6th & Burnside) I've loved KMFDM since Nihil, the 1995 album that featured their mainstream hit, "Juke Joint Jezebel"--but not because of their flashy shows featuring assorted incendiary devices and PVC-wearing go-go dancers. Not even because of their aggressive mixture of industrial electronics and power guitar that predates bands like Powerman 5000 and Static-X. No, I love these guys mostly for their self-referential anthems--like "Dirty," from their new album Attak, where they chant, "KMFDM!" Check out Skold's punk guitar hooks on "Skurk" or Cifarelli's diva vocals on the power-pop gem "Superhero"--they almost make me want to break out the old PVC pants. DAVID SLATTON


SUNDAY 6/2

HANDMADE BAZAAR STARRING THE CULOTTES, BUTTERFLY TRANSFORMATION SERVICE, AMALGAMATED EVERLASTING UNION CHORUS

(5742 NE Mallory) Same as yesterday, only with different, but equally sublime musical acts. JS

KEN STRINGFELLOW, THE LONG WINTERS, FIVER

(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) The Long Winters make the shiny pop of yore--totally uncluttered by pretense, "arty crap," or baloney. Their new record on Barsuk is chock-full of just great, straight-up rock music that everyone can enjoy. It's intelligently written, full of melodies, catchy harmonies, and the right dose of chutzpah to keep it from getting samey. Live, the band is totally professional, never missing notes, and entertaining enough to make one dance in a hopping motion, if one so desired. JS

ELF POWER, MASTERS OF THE HEMISPHERE, THE OWL & THE PUSSYCAT

(Blackbird) Since we've been missing Ms. Lois Maffeo around these parts, it's a relief to see that she's bringing her no-frills music and sensible, smart melodies back, in the Owl and the Pussycat, her new duo. Is she the owl, or is she the pussycat? Will there be sock puppets? I hope. JS See My What a Busy Week pg 17


MONDAY 6/3

NEW TOWN ANIMALS, WEDNESDAY NIGHT HEROES, DISGRUNTLED

(Satyricon) This is the show that might get passed up from lack of advertising and shouldn't. Canada's New Town Animals are one of the finest live punk rock acts out there today; I saw them play a year ago and had a smile on my face the whole time. Fans of the Buzzcocks, 999, and Toy Dolls take note: these boys kick out the jams with bouncy bass lines, snotty vocals, and guitar hooks galore. The Briefs only wish they could be this good! The New Town Animals share the bill with fellow Canadian punks Wednesday Night Heroes and Portland's local dirt rock band Disgruntled. JJ

DRESSY BESSY, ALL-GIRL SUMMER FUN BAND

(Meow Meow) In case you missed them when they played a couple months ago (or the sound that night was too crappy for you to enjoy), Denver's twee-est without seeming virginal pop band is back to put the power back in your puff. JS


TUESDAY 6/4

JONNY X & THE GROADIES, SLEETMUTE/NIGHTMUTE, FROM MONUMENT TO MASSES, RADAR

(Fast Forward, 6616 NE MLK) Jonny X & the Groadies' electric deathcore may not have earned them the battle of the bands, but it sure as hell wins them the crown of "prom kings" and "sweet, fancy debutantes." Chaotic music that is strangely polite... their songs are a battery, but they like you, too. Radar believes we are being mind-controlled by the government and other various rogue beings across earth. Accordingly, their music is an ephemeral glom of pretty samples and beats that flash like lights, and crashes of different sorts of vocals, sort of like if the Manchurian Candidate was made into an experimental musical. Very eerie, extremely interesting, and pretty frigging talented. JS

REALM 8'S BINGO & BANDS: WET CONFETTI, SAUVIE ISLAND MOON ROCKET FACTORY

(Blackbird) Though Realm 8, the quirky storefront full of local art and fuzzy plush monster dolls, has sadly gone out of business, they're still together enough to round up a good game of Bingo. THAT'S THE SPIRIT! You can win haircuts, body piercing, food, and a shitload of other neat local prizes by playing bingo and listening to the churning emotions of Rhodes/guitar/bass/drum trio Wet Confetti, and the gleeful pop of the Sauvie Islanders. Win shit, get drunk, watch music; it's fun. JS


WEDNESDAY 6/5

HELLA FRESH FEST STARRING FUL MOON, COOL NUTZ, BLEEK, THE LAB, OLDOMINION, MIC CRENSHAW, SICK MEDICKS, TONI HILL & SYNDEL, THE CHOSEN, MORE

(Berbati's) Hosted by nationally renowned slam poet Ms. Turiya Autry, the Hella Fresh Fest is a blow-up extravaganza of the best Portland hiphop--all hand-picked for the mic by Hella Fresh Fest mastermind/KBOO DJ Deena B. Simultaneously occurring live and broadcasting on the radio, there's basically no excuse for missing it in at least one of its incarnations, but that's assuming you would actually be able to resist so much good local hiphop action, which of course you can't. JS

YUME BITSU, ESTER DRANG, PEACE HARBOR, OPERACYCLE

(Blackbird) Remember that whole mid-'90s craze where everyone was playing Beethoven for their babies because they thought it would curb the anxiety they would surely have later on in life? This show is sorta like that, only nobody dies at the end. With a soft blanket of white noise over soothing, shoegazing melodies, Yume Bitsu and the very excellent, spacious Ester Drang will curb your anxiety, make you smarter, help you quit smoking, and give you an addiction to the meditative, patient wash of trip-out sound they so prettily unfurl. Granted, what with the sweet and quiet Peace Harbor and rhythmically soothing Operacycle, it's not gonna be a party in your pants tonight, but you will feel as if you've just been massaged and powdered--splendidly sedated, and seeing visions, perhaps. JS

LUNA, SONIC BOOM

(Aladdin) There's slow and then there's boring slow. Damon and Naomi: boring slow. Luna: slow, but still able to convey a passion that keeps the knees from buckling and the eyes from rolling back in the head. Perhaps Luna's Dean Wareham was the soul of Galaxie 500? Sonic Boom, a.k.a. Pete Kember, was the bleepier, bloopier side of Spacemen 3, which also included Spiritualized's Jason Pierce. Listening to his heady, inventive compositions is like witnessing a science project in the works. KATHLEEN WILSON

GOING TO SEATTLE?

Sat 6/1: Steve Malkmus (Graceland)

Mon 6/2: Doves (Graceland)

For more info, visit www.thestranger.com

New Releases June 4: Cells, Dead Poetic, Deerhoof*, Doves, King of Woolworths, LPG, Manowar, Nebula, Archer Prewitt*, Quix*O*Tic*, spaceheads, Wolf Eyes* * = sexy