THURSDAY 2/27

DECLAIME, DJ SHINE
(Ozone Phase 3, 701 E Burnside, 7 pm, FREE)
Likwit emcee Declaime grew up across the street from Madlib, but he's purportedly moved to Salem. Declaime boasts a cache of thick, often downtempo and hook-laden singles, EPs, and 2001's great andsoitsaid. Declaime's style is defined by his sparkling clear enunciation and concise, cutting delivery--every consonant cuts like a knife. He even says so himself, on the song "2MC or not 2MC":"I be cool ass emcee/get my point across sharp/ with this delivery/this art from the heart." His is the voice of the boom bap. JULIANNE SHEPHERD

CONSCRIPTS
(Disjecta, 116 NE Russell)
I'm not going to make any bones about the fact that you are a) the type of person who adores this kind of thing or b) horrified by what you are about to read. There is likely very little or no gray area. Conscripts showcases the writing of John Crouse, an intriguing writer and author of several works, including Animals Clap Your Hands and Bumcamps Trolls. Accompanying the "words," Stanley Zappa (yes, Frank's nephew) will be directing a massive ensemble, including Sam Coomes and Sara Lund. The press release swears up and down that, although improvised, the music is not "Jam Band" or "ad hoc," and they do in fact rehearse. But if it looks like free jazz, and if it smells like free jazz... Crouse's writing is interesting, but if you're type b (see above), this might not be the best context to meet it in. MARJORIE SKINNER

CASTING CALL
Want to be in a video for... omigod, hold your breath... THE DANDY WARHOLS!!! Well listen up. According to Danny Stoltz Casting, The Warhols "are looking for extreme party people: Gen X'ers, cool guys and hot girls, tattoos, piercings; alternative and extreme wardrobe is a plus." Are you this extreme? Head down to Food Chain Films, 409 SW 13th, Ste 200, Thurs or Fri 12-9 pm. No further comment. KS

THE STORES, MAKEOUT SCENE, THE UPSIDE DOWN
(Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny)
The Stores, although comfortably situated in the moody, crowded rock scene, stand apart from the meat 'n' potatoes standard fare. It's pleasantly varied, veering from surprisingly dark to downright chipper. They also have an uncanny knack for dislodging simultaneous memories of my first Dinosaur Jr. record and my last summer campfire song. The harder, up-tempo moments manage to keep the aimless reverb sludge to a minimum, flattering the songwriting rather than masking it (or compensating for it). There's something in the vocals that sounds slightly metallic, adding a nice edge of ambiguity to whatever emotional radar reading you take from it. MS

LANTERNA, LOCH LOMOND, LAUREL CANYON, EARLIMART
(Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy)
In terms of instrumental bands, Lanterna is the kind that's best described as cinematic. Each of the group's albums takes ambient to different levels, sometimes swelling gracefully while at other times using reverb and drone to travel to more psychedelic regions. Listening to their albums makes for mind-produced screenplays and other unchained daydreams, and seeing them perform live should be just as inspirational. If you like bands such as Scenic, Area, and even Sigur Ros, Lanterna are worth checking out. KATHLEEN WILSON

FRIDAY 2/28

CLASH TRIBUTE STARRING ALL OUT, LOPEZ, THE RIFFS, DEFIANCE, MORE
(Satyricon, 125 NW 6th)
Due to some booking conflicts, tonight's tribute to Joe Strummer and The Clash will no longer be exactly the same as the one on last week's Grammys. The Boss, Steven Van Zandt, Elvis Costello, Dave Grohl, and that jackass bass player from No Doubt--none of these artists will be playing tonight. Trust me, that's a good thing; I'd much rather see Starantula perform "London Calling" than that hackjob, all-star band. Also, why does Van Zandt insist on doing that shared-mic singing thing; why can't he just get his own damn mic? CARMELO MARTINEZ

THE HAZMATS, THE GO DOWNS, THE BUTT FRENCHERS(DV8, 5021 SE Powell) I'm going to this show for one reason and one reason only: to have my butt frenched by the Butt Frenchers. JUSTIN WESCOAT SANDERS III

EIGHT/DIY IN PDX/KARAOKE
(Nocturnal, 1800 W Burnside)
See feature pg 16

PANTHER
(Delta Café, 4607 SE Woodstock)
Like watching a lone hipster dry-hump the floor to the soundtrack of sexed-up electroclash? Like Collard Greens? Well then it looks like this is the show for you. CM

SANDRA COLLINS, BEN
(Ohm, 31 NW 1st)
Impending doom can do a number on your musical taste and right now it's telling me that with Sandra Collins on the tables, my brainium could be spun and loved-up one last time, and that it could feel Right, and pull me outta this funk I've been in for a year and a half. It's funny how high drama can make shitty house music feel relevant, but it does--for now anyway--and I'm happy to be along for the ride. ADAM GNADE

HOTTER THAN HELL, LIVE WIRE
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd)
Ok, first things first: KISS is the single worst band ever. You can't argue against this, they are downright terrible. Basic song structures, over-sexualized songs, rampant capitalism, that unintentionally hilarious KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park TV movie, and a drummer with cat makeup singing a ballad while thrust into in the air on some weird drum riser thing. Music has never been so bad. But the idea of a KISS tribute band, using the band's old garbs/props/etc, playing a club like Dante's is oddly appealing. Will there be pyrotechnics? Isn't the ceiling too small to raise the drummer up for "Beth?" Does the bassist have a freakishly long tongue? I guess you'll have to go and see for yourself. CM

SOLENOID, DECAPOD CLAW, ML, PHOPLEX, DJ INKY
(Blackbird)
To properly fuel your 3 am breakfasts and aqua aerobics, the Seattle/Portland label Toast and Jam release intelligent, song-driven music on the fuzzy, electro glitch tip. Tonight they host a co-ed dance celebrating the compellation Nine, an electro fueled, borderline confrontational affair reminiscent of disgruntled Oompah Loompahs and featuring some of the finest Thorn city producers. Toast and Jam's local guru Chris Jones, aka DJ Inky the provider of tonight's late night beats, describes the music as "dancey, dark electro that's not mindless like a lot of electronic dance music." While certainly sounding intelligent, Toast and Jam wants to shed the Intelligent Dance Music image of people standing around watching kids glow eerily behind a computer. "The IDM label is sort of a load, it's pretentious," Jones says. "We want to get people on to the floor--this music is about having a good time and dancing." Fueling the feet will be live creations, drumming and shouting from Solenoid, live aural action from Decapod Claw and ML, and a four-laptop set from Phoplex. Meanwhile, bigger than life images will be surreptitiously rendered and destroyed. And that means no shoegazing allowed. AARON MILES

SATURDAY 3/1

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE, THE THERMALS
See MWBW pg 15

STRING TRIO OF NEW YORK
(First Christian Church, 1315 SW Broadway)
Rumor has it that to promote their new CD, Gut Reaction, String Trio of New York was going to tour with Christina Aguilera. But Miz Dirrrrty sort of balked when she learned they were a cutting-edge, classical/improv/composers collective of guys playing violin, acoustic guitar, and bass. I suppose S3NY is happy about this, as well, because it is unlikely that any of hoochie-pie's core audience would appreciate arrangements of Mingus, or an ensemble that has collaborated with the Bang On a Can All-Stars. However, it is also rumored that Britney is flying in to check out S3NY in a rare West Coast appearance. But that may simply be a pretext for her to track down her newest love interest, Stephen Malkmus (who may not be at the S3NY concert, though I am sure he really wants to go). STEVEN LANKENAU

"THE BAND" TRIBUTE NIGHT
(Laurelthirst, 2958 NE Glisan)
'Member when everyone got all pissed at that B. Dylan character because he was "betraying" folk by going electric? My secret belief is that those chiders weren't so much pissed as they were scared that Levon Helm, Ginger Baker, and Co. would ultimately turn around and kick Dylan's ass by championing a level of rawkness that Bobby never quite would. Hopefully, everyone playing The Band Tribute Night will remember to keep the encores of the insta-defining hit "Cripple Creek" to a minimum; I've been to Cripple Creek, Co., (no joke) and the town, like the song, doesn't grow more interesting with repeat visits--anyhoo, Music From Big Pink has a lot more to offer than the likes of that ditty. Whoever wears a fake beard during their whole set should get a free bottle of Romilar as a prize. Double hi-fives for anyone who brings a Jews' harp. JOAN HILLER

SPORADIK, DERRIDA YELLOW SWANS, USA IS A MONSTER
(Jasmine Tree, 401 SW Harrison)
Every time they play, Yellow Swans add a different prefix starting with "D" to their name. Though "Dead Yellow Swans" brought to mind tragic and Technicolor imagery, "Derrida" is probably the most appropriate. The duo shears beats into ragged strips of chaotic noise, through a shredder of electronics, voice, and guitar. So, like, Deconstructionist Yellow Swans? JS

THE BOOTHS, LEEDS, ELECTRIC EYE, FLIP-TOPS
(Eagle's Lodge)
A couple weeks ago I was at a crazy bar, and there was a group of people so drunk that they were pouring beer down each other's butt cracks. One of the guys ended up with his bare ass hanging out, his shirt ripped off, completely covered in Sharpie drawings, and sprinkled with a bunch of salt. This is the kind of thing I would expect to happen at a show featuring the Booths (punk so loud your ears will bleed), and the Flip-Tops (Sharpie punk), and Electric Eye, whose mighty garage rock will inspire you to drink whiskey and shake around. KATIE SHIMER

HATE ETERNAL, DYING FETUS, KATAKLYSM, INTO ETERNITY, AMONGST US
(Meow Meow, 520 SE Pine)
In this world we live in, there are so many ways a fetus can die (the sooner the better, if you ask me). But in my honest opinion, the best way for any fetus to die is on the battlefield. There is nothing better or more patriotic than two warring fetus clans attacking each other on the fields of conflict. When the day is done and the battle is finished all that is left is heaps of fetus bloody and battered, some dead and some soon to be dead because when night sets in the creatures of the night will swoop in and finish the job. These remarkable brotherhoods of fetus gave up their lives for their family and the generations to come. What have you done? And what does that band Telephone do but copy old Devo songs and do them really shitty. Go Dying Fetus go. CHRIS REED

SUNDAY 3/2

MR. MUMU, DJ BROKENWINDOW, SUPPOZ
(Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway)
Right along with Missy Elliot-thieving Kid606, DJ Brokenwindow steals radio hits that shake your money maker, grinds them up, twists them down, and poops them out--the result's often slimy and tough to handle, but more often than not, his mixes are wildly successful, danceable jamfests. While most students of the revivalist glitch school draw on the present, our boy cuts to the chase and draws blood from the hardening, twitching veins of '80s and early '90s American and British pop. Surprisingly, that Technics needle's sharp. Even though everyone's sick of Reaganomics musical resurrection by and large, when it comes down to the get-down, jussabout everyone has to concede that, yeah, hearing Technotronic mixed with Cyndi Lauper is disgustingly awesome. Holla. JH

THE LOCUST, GET HUSTLE, MOVING UNITS, FAST FORWARD
(Nocturnal)
I think I have A.D.D. Yeah, I know, that's a pretty weak revelation seeing as how I'm an adult and all. But in retrospect, it explains a lot. Take my average toddler day: Wake up; Melt holes in my G.I. Joes with a woodburner; Get bored; Spend 2 minutes bashing Luigi's skull into videogame bricks; Get bored; Try to flush handfuls of carrots down the toilet. Yep, I was manic, spazzing from one stupid deed to the next. Thus, it makes perfect sense to me that The Locust is my favorite band. Besides the occasional oddball experimental track, the typical song kicks off with chainsawing screams, sped-up-then-melting-down drums, and fingers-on-fire riffs flashing through screwy time signatures. Then it's done. Over in 30 seconds. 30 seconds! Hell YES! Just say no to Ritalin! Viva Attention Deficit Disorder! ADAM GNADE

TED LEO/PHARMACISTS, HINT HINT, OTHER MEN MY AGE
(Blackbird)
See Music pg 18

HOT ROD CIRCUIT, TSUNAMI BOMB, CROSSTIDE
(Meow Meow)
Get there early! Openers Crosstide are undeniably great, the kind of local opener you'll kick yourself (hard) for missing. Meanwhile Tsunami Bomb are the real highlight of this show, stylish female-led pop-punk that takes the high road over their contemporaries, which I guess isn't saying a whole lot since there is an alarmingly small amount of decent pop-punk around these days. The genre is really hurting, having been reduced to nothing less than the background soundtrack to Tony Hawk video games and Mountain Dew commercials. Headliners Hot Rod Circuit are absolutely dreadful, if you're not across the street at My Father's Place (or drinking in the parking lot) by the time they take the stage there is something terribly wrong with you. CM

ex-GIRL, THE PUNK GROUP, BANGS
(Satyricon)
If you like a little talent with your sass, check out the Bangs, with their hot guitar riffs, pulsating beats, and radical stage show. Plus, pick up some hyper-color fashion tips from the pleasantly grating and cute Japan popsters, ex-Girl. KS

MONDAY 3/3

MILEMARKER, BLOOD BROTHERS, THE INTIMA CD RELEASE
(Blackbird)
See Music pg 18

CALEXICO, NICOLAI DUNGER
(Aladdin Theater)
Both Calexico and Mr. Dunger seem to be at the top of their game this year, each having released albums touted as their "best yet"--and I'm not one to disagree with the general population's assertion here. Calexico's Feast of Wire is, indeed, a gorgeous opus for the Tuscon-based spaghetti westerners. Their traditional desert-dustbunny, Americana/ jazzy salsa hybrid is endowed with a brighter glaze of humble majesty than on previous efforts. This time, they wisely exercise brevity within the framework of their big songs, making for a more effective and affecting (although disparate) album overall. Nicolai Dunger, who gets more Van Morrison comparisons than he deserves, is a gem in his own right. His genre-mixing take on neu-folk marries sophisticated instrumentation and childlike soul with seeming ease, and his aire of manchild grown-up naivety is both endearing and sexy. JOAN HILLER

TED LEO/PHARMACISTS
(Jackpot Records, 3736 SE Hawthorne, 2 pm, free, all ages)
If you're under 21, and you love Ted Leo as much as everyone else, here's your chance to see him up close, as opposed to through the window of the Blackbird. (To every all-ager who stands outside in the cold to watch their fave bands through glass: You are the coolest.) JS

TUESDAY 3/4

DOMINATRIX, THE HAGGARD, THE CURSE, ROBOTS IN DISGUISE
(Liberty Hall, 311 N Ivy)
An all-girl punk band from Brazil named after a line in a Bratmobile song? Hell yeah, you'll get a unique feminist perspective from Dominatrix. Not only politically interesting (Brazil isn't exactly notorious for its feminist social climate), Dominatrix's music is excellent--insurgent, arty, sharp-angled punk with pretty vocals. Socially, they might be described as the South American Bikini Kill. According to Isabella Gargiulo, in an interview conducted with The Haggard's Emily Kingan, "When we first started, over and over again we had to explain what feminism was. After a while, more and more women were educated as for the band's purpose, so they educated more people about it, which was amazing. There were feminist zines everywhere. Also, a big challenge was being openly against violence at shows, which caused pandemonium on several occasions when the band stopped playing after being hit by flying objects and people." JS

CHERRY POPPIN' DADDIES, RUBBERNECK, PERE UBU, DJ GREGARIOUS
(Crystal)
When shit bands like the Daddies have a bigger audience than Pere Ubu, a group spawned from Rocket From the Tombs, which also spawned the Dead Boys, I'm pretty certain were all headed for a warmer clime. If we're all going, though, we may as well make the best of it. Pere Ubu is coming off an appearance at singer David Thomas' Disastodrome; a three-day festival held last weekend at UCLA. Probably the most noteworthy thing about Disastodrome was that it saw the aforementioned Rocket from the Tombs reunited for the first time in 27 years! Let's hope some of that rock 'n' roll righteousness lingers with Thomas long enough to deliver us from the evil that has besieged our little town. CHAZZ MADRIGAL

KENTUCKY SNAKEHANDLERS, VANISHING KIDS, LAND BETWEEN THE LAKES, NO FI SOUL REBELLION
(Blackbird)
The Kentucky Snakehandlers will rock your freaking socks off! If by "rock" you mean sparse, beautifully arranged, instrumentation fit to make a grown man cry. Also if by "socks" you mean your hipster attitude, which to tell you the truth has been bugging us for awhile. You do realize you live in Portland, right? CHAZZ MADRIGAL