Yes it's cold out, and yes the distance between your bed and the car door seems like an epic journey across the frozen tundra. But get real--you live on the West Coast! And just so you don't wake up in April with a spare tire around your waist and atrophied leg muscles, wondering how you turned into such a disgusting bag of flab, we are going to once again tell you: Dancing is the only way for an urban soul to survive the winter, period. It's also the only way to get your body feeling authentically hot, without any use of skin moisture-sucking radiators or literal sex acts. And lucky for you, Portland is brimming with a full week's roster of just some of the events that can keep you slim and sane during the dark months to come:


· Booty: Queer As Ye Be, Porky's, 835 N Lombard, 9 pm, $3 after 10

· Reggae & Dancehall w/DJ Uni-T, Wax, 5101 N Interstate, 9 pm, $3-5, All Ages

·Steppers Club (last Thursdays, next: Jan 27), Dunes, 1905 NE MLK, 10 pm, free

·Rudeboy Shufflin' w/DJs riceNpeas & Short Change (vintage and modern reggae, third Thursdays, next: Jan 20), Noir, 203 SE Grand, 10 pm, free


·Rotate w/rotating PDX DJs, Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, midnight, free

·Shut Up & Dance w/DJ Gregarious ("80s), Fez, 316 SW 11th, 10 pm, $4

·Kingston Lounge w/DJs Uni-T, Hightower, more (reggae, dancehall, 1st & 3rd Fridays, next: Jan 21), The Sea, 318 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $5

·First Friday Super Jam w/DJ Wicked, guests (hiphop, funk, '80s, breaks, soul, electro, first Fridays, next: Feb 4), Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 10 pm, $4

·Suicide Club w/DJ Nightschool (2nd Fridays, next: this Friday 14), Dunes, 10 pm, free


·DeathByDisco w/Deejay Teenage, guests (disco & hiphop, second Fridays or Saturdays, check for schedule), Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $3

·Dance it Up! w/Paula B. & King Fader, Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, free

·Knotty Disco w/DJs Mr MuMu, Barrett Paul & the Knotty DJs, Doug Fir Lounge, midnight, $8

·Mainstream Hiphop Club Night w/DJ Puma, Wax, 9 pm $6, All Ages

·ATLAS w/DJs Anjali, E3, The Incredible Kid (1st & 3rd Saturdays, next: this Saturday 15), Holocene, 9 pm, $5, free before 10 pm

·Live from Momo's… It's Saturday Night! w/DJ Wicked, guests (underground & old school hiphop classics), Momo's, 725 SW 10th, 10 pm, free

·DJs Evil One & Sneakers (hiphop classics, every other Saturday, next: this Saturday), XV, 15 SW 2nd, 10 pm, $5


·Snatch: A Dyke Knight (1st & 3rd Sundays, next: this Sunday 16), Doug Fir Lounge, 6-11 pm, $5

·Jack: Queer As F**k (2nd & 4th Sundays, next: Jan 23), Doug Fir Lounge, 6-11 pm, $5

·The Cypher w/guest DJs (all-element freestyle), Wax, 9 pm, $3, All Ages

·Swing Dance lesson 7 pm & dance 8 pm, Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, $6, All Ages

·Tart: A Swank Soiree Where the Queer Girls Play w/DJs K-Tel, Harmony, more (2nd & 4th Sundays), Holocene, 4 pm, $5

·Breakfast of Champions (cartoons & dance party, 3rd Sundays, next: this Sunday, anniversary edition, Jan 16), Holocene, 1-7 pm, $3

·Hive w/DJ Horrid, Lola's, 1332 W Burnside (inside Crystal Ballroom), 9 pm, $3

·Jetset Lounge w/rotating DJs (downtempo, worldbeat, dub), Goodfoot, 10 pm, free

·DJ Blackout, Dunes, 10 pm, free


·2 x 4 on the Floor w/DJs Evil One & Izm (old school hiphop, funk, electronic), Doug Fir Lounge, 10 pm, free

·Argentine Tango w/Robert Hauk & Maija Wells, Bossanova, 722 E Burnside, $8 includes lesson 7-8 pm & dancing until midnight


·Raw Power w/DJ Gregarious (Brit pop, glam, punk, rock), Doug Fir Lounge, 10 pm, free

·East Coast Swing, Bossanova, $8 includes lesson 7:30 pm, 8:30 pm & dancing until midnight

·Taint Queer Dance Party w/DJs Yeah Yeah, Astro, Automaton, Wesley (Latin hiphop, '80s, '90s, new wave, electronica, disco, funk, 1st & 3rd Tuesdays, next: this Tuesday, 18), Goodfoot, 10 pm, $3-5 sliding

·TaintedBeats w/DJs Paulanet, Zanne, Fly, Yeah Yeah (electronica/international dance beats, 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, next: Jan 25), Goodfoot, 10 pm, $3-5 sliding


·Strictly Salsa!!! hosted by Roger Rumba, $5 includes lesson w/ Sylvia Haugland, Bossanova, 9-9:30 pm & dancing

·Level the Vibes (reggae, dancehall), Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, free

· BBoy & BGirl foundation class, 6:30-8 pm, $7; open floor break sessions, 9 pm, $3, Wax, 5101 N Interstate, All Ages

·Breakdancing, Nocturnal, 5-7 pm, $10; Tango lesson, 7:30 pm, $10, All Ages

·Party Line queer dance party (2nd & 4th Wednesdays), Holocene, 9 pm, $3