They'll tell you what you want, what you really, really want. It'll probably involve going to Candi Pop at Holocene on Friday.


The First Annual Smokey Da Bear 4/20 Hip-Hop Festival
Sure it felt like it last April, but this 4/20 actually marks the first one under Oregon's legal weed law (it went into effect July 1). Our pick for this, your first legal High Holiday? The Smokey Da Bear 4/20 Hip-Hop Festival, a two-day bash that'll have you celebrating in thumping fashion. DVH
w/Mic Capes, Mikey Vegaz, Stevo the Weirdo, & more; Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, Wed & Thurs 9 pm, $12-15 a night

RuPaul's Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons
It's the world's largest touring drag revue, RuPaul's Drag Race: Battle of the Seasons! Hosted by RDR regular Michelle Visage, this hilariously fun event features a gaggle of beloved former cast-members including Adore Delano, Alaska Thunderfuck, BenDeLaCreme, Jinkx Monsoon, Sharon Needles, plus many more—and GIRL? You know they will work. WSH
Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark, 9 pm, $37.50, all ages


Dita Von Teese
Go for the oodles and oodles of Swarovski crystals that drip from every oversized martini glass, spider web, and birdcage—stay for burlesque superstar Dita Von Teese's sexy, jaw-dropping extravaganza of bump 'n' grind and vampy dance numbers. The gal knows how to put on a killer show. CF
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, Thurs 7:30 pm, Fri 7 & 10:15 pm, $30-75

The fifth annual Stumpfest, a three-day celebration of all things loud and heavy, kicks off tonight with ear-blistering sets from Joe Preston's Thrones, bubblegum metal stars Torche, and Portland's own Gaytheist. The rest of the weekend features Yob, Helms Alee, and many more, so get your metal game-face ready. NL
w/House of Lightning, Humours; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $17/night (three-day passes sold out)


Candi Pop: Spice Girls Edition
If you are a proud lover of bubblegum pop, this is the dance night you've been waiting for. Candi Pop: Spice Girls Edition features sugar-sweet dance pop hits from Britney Spears, Justin Bieber, Mandy Moore, Destiny's Child, Katy Perry, and the Spice Girls (because, OF COURSE). Plus, there will be free pizza from 9 to 10 pm while supplies last! (Hopefully cotton-candy flavored?) WSH
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $10 ($8 before 10 pm)

Wrestling for Rock
A fundraiser for Portland's Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls, the fourth annual women's arm-wrestling tournament, Wrestling for Rock, hits hard tonight, with jaunty weight categories (Gabrielles OR Xenas!), "giant steel unicorn trophies" for the champs, and proceeds benefiting girls learning how to play instruments super loud. Go on, challenge someone to a duel! MB
The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd, 7:30 pm,$5-10 cover, $5 to wrestle


Baraka and Lifeforce
This weekend, the Hollywood Theatre's showing not one but two films on 70mm—one is Ron Fricke's acclaimed 1992 documentary Baraka, and the other one? Well, the other one is Tobe Hooper's Lifeforce from 1985, which is about NAKED SPACE VAMPIRES. Nothing against Baraka, but any time you're given a choice... choose naked space vampires. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Baraka on Fri-Sun 7 pm, Lifeforce on Sat 9:45 pm, $12 each

Black Mountain
Canadian five-piece Black Mountain just released their synthy, interstellar fourth full-length, IV. It sounds like the band's flying saucer of celestial rock 'n' roll crashed on Mars, and now they're huddled around a campfire on the Red Planet singing folk songs that echo throughout the cosmos. CD
w/Marissa Nadler; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $18-20


Doug Benson
Doug Benson, everybody's favorite stoner comic, is taping his wildly popular Doug Loves Movies podcast today at, you guessed, it 4:20 pm. Benson and a panel of guests will be talking movies, doing trivia, playing games, and having a great time. Wear an intricately designed nametag and you could win a prize. DB
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, stand-up Fri 5 pm & Sat 4:20 pm, podcast taping Sun 4:20 pm, $22

Beyond Lolita: Literary Writers on Sex and Sexuality
Tonight, powerhouse writers including Wild's Cheryl Strayed, Oregon Book Award winner Lidia Yuknavitch, likeable curmudgeon Steve Almond, and more converge to talk about sex in literature in a panel discussion, Beyond Lolita: Literary Writers on Sex and Sexuality, with proceeds going to PEN Writers' Emergency Fund, which supports writers in financial crisis. MB
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE


French pop maestros M83 put out the fantastic double album Hurry Up, We're Dreaming in 2011. It was so rich with intricate, reverb-heavy, emotive electronica that nearly five years floated by before we even missed the band, but now they're back with a new album, Junk, and opener YACHT! Guaranteed good times. CF
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, Mon & Tues 8 pm, sold out (but you're crafty), all ages

Green Room
From Jeremy Saulnier—the director of the brutally intense Blue Ruin—comes the great Green Room, a film that (1) was shot in Oregon, (2) is about a young punk band facing off against some really angry neo-Nazis led by a terrifying Patrick Stewart, and (3) manages to be scary and bloody and funny and thrilling all at once. EH
Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, $6.50-9.50, see


Kool Keith
One of hip-hop's all-time greats is also one of its all-time weirdest motherfuckers. Kool Keith is among the most boundary-pushing emcees in history, and he's got over three decades' worth of crazy stuff. Or he could just freestyle the alphabet in a plastic hair-helmet for an hour. Every show is an adventure. BR
Star Theater, 13 NW 6th,9 pm, $16

Stunt Rock
Sometimes this wacky world stops spinning just long enough to spit out a thing that simply should not be, and you owe it to yourself to drink in that delicious ridiculousness. 1980's Stunt Rock is one such beautifully batshit thing, and director Brian Trenchard-Smith will be in attendance to guide you through all its stunty, rocky glory in 35mm. BR
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $9