This is not a nightmare creature made vegetable flesh, come to rob your children of their innocence. He is Dillon, he is new in town, he is friendly, and you should go meet him and the rest of the Portland Pickles this weekend!

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 8

Fleet Week
It's the start of Fleet Week in Portland, and that means about 10 massive ships from the US Navy, US Coast Guard, and the Royal Canadian Navy, along with some old historic ships, will be floating down the Willamette River before scores of uniformed sailors invade the city. Grab a camera and head to Tom McCall Waterfront Park for the always-fun spectacle. DOUG BROWN
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 SW Naito, Wed-Sun, FREE

Kaki King, Glockabelle
The illustrious Kaki King is known for crafting transfixing guitar compositions that are intensely evocative. In her latest, 2015's experimental The Neck Is a Bridge to the Body, King positions nimble guitar work at the center of expansive and oddly mesmerizing orchestras while exploring the multiplicity of her instrument's personalities. CIARA DOLAN
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $18-20

THURSDAY, JUNE 9

Pedalpalooza Kickoff Ride
The shining jewel of Portland June kicks off tonight like it always does: With a bunch of people on bikes swarming city streets to the chagrin of many a motorist, and delight of everyone else. Pedalpalooza is here, y'all, and its meandering, massive Kickoff Ride is always the perfect beginning. DIRK VANDERHART
Starts at Salmon Fountain, SW Salmon & Naito, 6 pm, FREE, all ages

Portland Beer Week
It's a good time to be a beer drinker, because Portland Beer Week (actually, 11 days) kicks off tonight, with a slam-packed roster of fine beery events all around town. And on Saturday at the Portland Vegan Beer and Food Festival, pair your favorite glass of suds with the city's best meatless and dairy-free foods. Bottoms up! NED LANNAMANN
Portland Beer Week, through June 19, see our Food and Drink Calendar for schedule; Portland Vegan Beer and Food Festival, Zidell Yards, 3121 SW Moody, Sat June 11, 1-7 pm, $45

FRIDAY, JUNE 10

Weekend at Bernies: Live on Stage
Aw, Weekend at Bernie's, that 1989 classic in the esteemed "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?" movie tradition! (FYI a LOT can go wrong when you and your friend are carrying around the dead body of your boss acting like everything's normal.) Tonight, the beloved bad movie becomes a beloved stage show, featuring some of Portland's most seasoned comedy veterans. MEGAN BURBANK
The Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis, Fri-Sat 10 pm, through July 30, $16

Adia Victoria, Blossom
Nashville's Adia Victoria just released her debut full-length, Beyond the Bloodhounds, and it's a doozy. The singer/guitarist, who was raised a Seventh Day Adventist, plays sludgy, macabre blues with riffs that hiss and seethe like she's mercilessly beating up her demons and exhuming long-buried truths. CIARA DOLAN
w/Blossom; Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water, 9:30 pm, $10

SATURDAY, JUNE 11

Ural Thomas & the Pain, Lewi Longmire & the Left Coast Roasters
If you haven't gotten hip to the sweet classic soul sounds of local treasures Ural Thomas & the Pain, you sincerely don't know what you're missing. Thomas is one of the true soul music greats, and tonight you'll see the master in action (along with one of the tightest backup groups around) as he presents brand new music from his self-titled LP. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $17.50-20, all ages

Bowie vs. Prince Mobile Dance Party Bike Ride: The Final One
Most years, reasonable people can disagree about the most essential Pedalpalooza ride. Not this time. With the deaths of both David Bowie and Prince, 2016's Bowie vs. Prince Ride will be the last. Pick whichever rock/pop god you like. Dress up like him. Then bike and dance, damn you. DIRK VANDERHART
Team Bowie: Holladay Park, NE 11th & Multnomah; Team Prince: Sewallcrest Park, SE 31st & Stephens, 7 pm, FREE, all ages

SUNDAY, JUNE 12

Portland Pickles vs. Marysville Gold Sox
We've sorely missed watching sunny-day baseball since the Beavers moved away in 2010. But now we have the Portland Pickles! This college-level baseball team has a new home in Lents with beers, cheap tickets, and endless cracks of the bat. Opening day is June 10, and they're playing through the weekend. Keep your peepers peeled for the pickle mascot... Dillon. COURTNEY FERGUSON
Walker Stadium, SE 92nd & Holgate, Fri-Sat 7:05 pm, Sun 5:05 pm, $6-12, all ages

Barfly 17th Anniversary Bash
It's hard to believe that BarFly, the beloved artifact from Old Portland, is turning 17. The former bar guide magazine lives on as a website, a party bus, and a thrower of wild parties, like this shindig with music from the Minders, And And And, plus a stripper petting zoo (they pet you!), airbrush art booth, and beard shearing station. Prepare to get wasted. COURTNEY FERGUSON
w/the Decliners, Giant Bug Village, & more; White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th, 3 pm-1 am, $6

Dragon Boat Races
Portland has been home to the exciting Chinese sport of Dragon Boat Racing for the past 26 years, where 80 teams paddle the crap out of fanciful, gorgeously decorated boats on the Willamette. Four teams will be racing every nine minutes—so expect lots of fun and exciting dragon boat action all day long. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Naito & Columbia, Sat-Sun 9 am-5 pm, FREE, all ages

MONDAY, JUNE 13

Warcraft
A few years ago, Duncan Jones was writing and directing the cheap arthouse sci-fi drama Moon. Now he's behind the $160 million Warcraft—a big, goofy, orc- and wizard-filled video game adaptation that hopes to stand alongside Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and Lord of the Rings. Hey, no pressure. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Various theaters across the magical lands of Azeroth, see Movie Times for locations and showtimes.

TUESDAY, JUNE 14

Battles, Chanti Darling, Máscaras
For dollar value, those Red Bull Sound Select shows are tough to beat. Tonight's installment brings the mathy experimentalism of New York's Battles with two of our homegrown finest: the digitech R&B of Chanti Darling and the scorching psychedelia of Máscaras. NED LANNAMANN
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $12 ($3 w/RSVP at redbullsoundselect.com), all ages

Portland Timbers vs. San Jose Earthquakes
Two weeks after their last meet-up, the Timbers welcome the San Jose Earthquakes back to Providence Park for a fourth round match in the 2016 US Open Cup. Be sure to arrive early to catch the Timbers' reserve squad taking on their bitter rivals, the Sounders' reserve team, to open tonight's doubleheader and set the tone for the main event. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
Providence Park, 1844 SW Morrison, doubleheader starts at 4:30 pm, $20 & up, all ages