Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. You say you like pot? Here are some things you are wrong about:
"My clothes and hair don't smell that bad": You're wrong about that, they smell infinitely worse.
Sativa vs. indica: There's absolutely no fucking difference, and you're wrong to think there is.
The munchies: Umm hmm, like you don't ALWAYS want snacks.
"Pot shops are happy to answer my questions": Nobody likes answering your questions.
"Weed makes me too paranoid": Wrong. Weed makes you just paranoid enough.
Hemp: Pot's legal now, so let's stop pretending hemp has an actual purpose.
Pot brownies: Hey, great job ruining some perfectly good brownies.
Your "awesome" vaporizer: Awesome? Then how come it only vaporizes weed?
"Weed makes me better at video games": Let's take this discussion to Mario Kart, where I'll show you how wrong you are.
"Now that it's legal, weed is cool!": Nice try, narc.
Government conspiracies: You might be on to something.
"4:20": According to my watch, you've got 40 more minutes of work, ace.
"See the thing about cannabinoids is...": Sorry, what was that? I fell asleep for a second.
Tie-dye: More like why-dye?
Saying names of strains aloud: You're never not going to sound like an asshole.
"Weed legalization puts local dealers out of business": On the upside, he won't be hanging out at my house for 45 extra minutes explaining Game of Thrones.
Knife hits: Should I call the emergency room in advance?
"Shatter": Stop trying to make weed sound like it's a real drug.
"Couch lock": Actually, you're just lazy.
Saying "namaste" instead of goodbye: Go fuck yourself.
"Hippie Speedball": The only place coffee and weed should be combined is in a landfill.
Edibles: Because why wouldn't I want to wait two hours to get high, and then be out of my mind for six more?
"Oh wait... now I get it": Glad you could join us, Einstein.