Hello, I’m Donald Trump. You knew that. You also know I have the biggest, best university in the world: Trump University. It’s the best... because it’s the biggest. And the BEST. Everybody knows it... no need to fact check. HEY. Speaking of the best, Trump University is now offering a new class for you to pay for, and it’s great because it’s the best. It’s called THE ART OF DEBATE, and it’s an online class taught by the absolute best debater of any debate ever—me, Donald Trump. Did you see me debate Crooked Hillary? Embarrassing. Embarrassing for her! And I would’ve beaten her even worse—but why? Categorically I’m the best, right? That’s not a question. Because I am. The best. Best. BEST! Best.

Now. Why should you pay top dollar for my online ART OF DEBATE class. That’s not a question. You will pay for it, it’s the best. But here are some very specific reasons why my Art of Debate class is the best.

• It’s the best.

• It’s a debate class taught by me, and therefore, the best.

• Socrates thought he was a great debater, until I debated him. Now he’s like, “Boo hoo hoo! Donald Trump, you’re the best.” And I’m like, “Shut up, dummy.”

Now. What specific things will I teach in this class—again, not a question. But what I will teach is this:

Avoiding Questions Through Repetition. I will successfully show you how to successfully dodge any tough question through the repeating of repetition, and reiteration of repeating repetitiousness.

Fabrication Slamming. A fact is not something that is true, a fact is something that is said LOUDLY and repeated with LOUDNESS. What? How can you not see this is true? ARE YOU INSANE. Unbelievable. Embarrassing. Next question.

When You Want to Stop a Line of Questioning, Interr—INTERRUPTING? I’m not the one interrupting, you’re the one interrupting! Now you listen to me! I told you I’m categorically the best, everybody knows it, my class is the best, I’m the best, class best, me best, BEST! Next question.

Sniffle. Sniffle a lot. It works. It’s the best.

You want to be the best debater, right, that’s not a question. You do, you want it, you want to pay a lot of money for it, because it’s the best. So sign up now for Trump University’s Art of Debate class! Because! Best! Repeat! Best! Embarrassing! Interruption! Best! Sniff.