Hi. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things Trump supporters are wrong about.

“Donald Trump will finally take away abortion”:
Wrong. I’ve got three abortions planned for next week.

“Trump will build a wall between us and Mexico”:
And if it’s like everything else he’s built, it’ll go out of business in six months.

“The Trump Administration has a mandate”:
Maybe you should Google the definition of “mandate.” Wait... let me show you how to use Google.

“Trump will enforce a Muslim registry”:
He’ll be too busy running “re-education camps” for reporters.

“Russia had nothing to do with Hillary losing the election”:
Fucking up democracy is literally the only thing Russians are good at.

“Trump doesn’t need daily intelligence briefings”:
Because he gets his briefings directly from the KGB?

“Trump can’t have ‘conflicts of interest’ because he’s the president”:
Tell that to the impeachment committee.

“Trump stands up to foreign powers”:
Sure, if you mean he knows nothing about foreign powers and when he gets bored he stands up and wanders out of the room.

“Trump is draining the swamp”:
...aaaand pouring it into his cabinet. Swamps have to go somewhere!

“Just because I voted for a racist doesn’t make me a racist”:
Wow. You did a really nice job cutting eye-holes in your hood!

“You don’t listen to me because you live in a ‘liberal bubble’”:
What? I can’t hear you! Your fake news bubble is too thick!

“Climate change doesn’t exist”:
See above.

“The new Harry Potter movie isn’t as bad as people say”:
It was the second-worst thing to happen in 2016.

“At least Trump will let me keep my guns”:
You’ll need them when the wasteland warlords hoard all the water and you have to shoot your dog for food.

“President Trump will keep jobs in America”:
Oh, sweetie... that’s the saddest, stupidest thing I’ve heard yet.

“I voted for Trump, and I’ll keep my insurance”:
Whoops, I was wrong... THAT’S the saddest, stupidest thing I’ve heard yet.

“I can’t believe you said that. I’d never shoot my dog”:
We’ll see.