While we're sure the ballot measures on this year's ticket hold some sort of importance for the future of Oregon, let's face it: They're B-O-R-I-N-G! Not a single one was even interesting enough to be made into a bumper sticker!

As armchair politicians, the Mercury has been known for offering clever wisdom on current events. Yet while we want to be involved in the political process, we really don't have the wherewithal to do the actual work. Here's a list of potential ballot measures we would like to see, with the hope that one of our more inspired readers will pick up the ball and run with it come next election.


Measure 57: An addendum to the "No sit, no lie" laws that requires lawmakers to stand at all times while at work for taxpayers.

Measure 58: Mandatory re-testing every five years for Oregon drivers over the age 55.

Measure 59: Income tax breaks for citizens who can verify non-motor transit to and from work.

Measure 60: Free Tampons. Forever.

Measure 61: Transforming Hawthorne Blvd. into a penal colony for criminals, the insane and hygienically challenged.

Measure 62: Mandatory spinal taps for potential city council members to make sure they have a backbone.

Measure 63: A law which requires police officers, when not otherwise occupied, to provide public services, such as on-the-spot counseling, shuttling inebriated individuals home from bars, and security for protesters, protecting them from other cops.

Measure 64: Property Tax Levy to raise funds for better lighting at and near Skidmore Fountain, so that scoring drugs there doesn't feel so sketchy and dangerous.

Measure 65: Repeal "daylight savings time."

Measure 66: Secession. From everything.