Jack Pollock
choose your own adventure

"This is bullshit," you tell Smitty. "I'm sick and tired of your crazy stories. Plus, I want some cocaine!" Slipping out of Smitty's iron-clawed grasp, you head into the empty, sterile bathroom, locking the door behind you. "Please help me!" Smitty calls from the other side. Is that a bit of crying you hear in his voice? "You're Fang's only hope!"

"Shove it up your puckered ass, you crazy old shit!" you shout back through the door. You spy the toilet stall, and feel a twinge in your bowels, as you realize that you haven't shat all day. Why not now? Then again, there is that cocaine....

Would you like to 'hold it' a bit longer and do a bump of cocaine first? Click here.

Would you like to use the facilities to relieve yourself? Click here.

To go back, click here.

Dems Nix Kulongoski

At a meeting last weekend, the Central Committee of Multnomah County Democrats made their endorsements for this May's primary election. The biggest news from the meeting was their pick for governor: anybody but Governor Ted Kulongoski.

In fact, the committee voted to endorse both of Kulongoski's primary opponents—former State Treasurer Jim Hill and Lane County Commissioner Pete Sorenson. Interestingly, the governor was the only one of the three to not attend the meeting; the other two gave what were described as "rousing" speeches.

The county Democrats' endorsements bred some amount of controversy. The meeting was described by more than one insider as "unorganized" and its members as "to the left of Nader now, apparently." SCOTT MOORE

Skate Haven

Skateboarders will overrun Madison High School on March 15 to check out the city's preliminary design for a district skatepark. The skatepark—in Glenhaven Park, next door to the high school—will be the first new skate space developed under a 19-park plan adopted by the city council last July. (Pier Park, a skatepark renovation in St. Johns that was also part of the plan, is about to enter the permitting process.)

Dreamland, a skatepark company out of Lincoln City tapped to design and build the park, is slated to break ground this summer, and the park should open by fall. AMY JENNIGES