Art-O-Mat /Mark Kaufman
Is driving, confusion, and expense ruining your summer? The solution: take a vacation to Portland. Stay in a hotel and see the city like a tourist. Try either of the following weekend itineraries; or pass ´em on to summer visitors.

EAST BURNSIDE: AN URBAN PARADISE

LODGING:

The Jupiter, 800 E Burnside, 230-9200
Check out Portland's newest boutique hotel, replete with Egyptian cotton sheets, mod fashions, cable television, and wireless internet. Eventually it will be equipped with a bar, but it's still under renovation, which means cheaper prices for you ($49 and up).

FOOD:

The Farm, 10 SE 7th, 736-FARM
One of Portland's cutest, coziest, and best restaurants. Treat yourself to a bottle of wine--varieties under $20--and order the cheese ball appetizer, and chocolate soufflé for dessert.

Zell's, 1300 SE Morrison, 239-0196
Who can say no to a tiny plate of scones? No one, that's who! A Zell's breakfast is a dazzling exercise in food pairings: asiagao, asparagus, and prosciutto, anyone? Plus, they serve Spanish coffees, bloodys, and mimosas.

O3 Cafe, 22 NE 7th, 227-1975
The last Saturday of every month, the O3 Cafe makes a color-coordinated dinner. Ever wanted to eat a whole meal in shades of red? Be sure to make a reservation (in May, the dinner will be on the 22nd due to Memorial Day weekend).

Back to Back Cafe, 614 E Burnside, 233-1929 and Grendel's 729 E Burnside
Grab a coffee and a muffin on your way down to the Riverfront Esplanade entrance on the Burnside bridge.

SHOPS:

Atomic Lily, 734 E Burnside, Hatties, 729 E Burnside, and Booty Vintage, 628 E Burnside
All sell great vintage clothing.

Ozone Records, 22 NE 7th
For CDs and records.

SALONS:

Marz, 1001 E Burnside, 535-1073
Play pool, drink beer, get haircut.

Capello Salon, 729 E Burnside, 236-4422
Drink beer and cafe mochas, and get a dope haircut from a man named Ashley. How regal.

NIGHTLIFE:

Viscount Ballroom, 722 E Burnside, 233-7855
Under new ownership, the Viscount offers dancing nightly, plus a free lesson to start the evening. Fridays are live swing, lesson starting at 7:30 and Saturdays are sexy salsa nights, lessons starting at 8:30. And if you hate dancing, they've got a billiard room and booze.

Galaxy, 909 E Burnside, 234-5003
Karaoke.

Union Jacks, 938 E Burnside, 236-1125
Boobs.

DOWNTOWN PORTLAND: A CULTURAL WONDERLAND

LODGING:

Hotel Lucia, 400 SW Broadway, 225-1717
Rated one of 2003's "80 Best New Hotels" in Conde Nast Traveler, a room at Hotel Lucia will run you from $100-200, but it's hella swank (with black-and-white photography artwork, pillowtop mattresses, and sleek furnishings). Rent a room here if you're trying to win your girlfriend's love.

FOOD:
Typhoon, 410 SW Broadway, 224-8285
The hotel's restaurant, check out Typhoon for the orange Lucite bar, delicious cocktails, and their signature dish, Fish on Fire.

Bijou Caf, 132 SW 3rd, 222-3187
A great place to take Portland visitors, the Bijou has spectacular breakfasts, including one of the best tofu scrambles ever.

Restaurant Murata, 200 SW Market, 227-0080
The freshest sushi in town, and right across the street from the Keller Auditorium, if you happen to be seeing a show. Make a reservation.

Portland City Grill, 111 SW 5th, 30th Floor
The deals are during the city grill's awesome happy hour (daily 4:30-6:30 & 10-midnight), but if you want to enjoy the spectacular view, stop by for a drink and an appetizer by the window mid-evening.

ATTRACTIONS:

Portland Classical Chinese Garden, NW 3rd & Everett, 228-8131, 9 am-6 pm daily, $7
Pretty, and close to your hotel.

Japanese Gardens, Zoo, Rose Gardens
The Westside MAX stops at the Zoo (which is far more interesting than one might guess, by the way), where a shuttle will take you to the Japanese and Rose Gardens (runs May-September). Zoo hours are 9 am-6 pm, $9 for adults, free for everyone the 2nd Tues of the month. Japanese Gardens, 10 am-7 pm daily, except on Monday when it opens at noon. $6.50 admission.

SHOPS NOT TO MISS:

Just Be Toys and Compound Gallery, 107 NW 5th, 796-2733
Cool collectible Japanese toys. Cool art viewed for free.

Motel, 19 NW 5th, 222-6699
Wallets, purses, jewelry, journals, art, etc. etc. made by local artists. Good prices.

Harputs, 139 NW 2nd, 226-6423
Radical athletic shoes and gear.

NIGHTLIFE:

Of course there are a million places to get a drink, but Tube, 18 NW 3rd, fits best with the utopia of vacation. Order expensive fruity drinks, and look fabulous in the muted light.