As summer rumbles into view, it brings with it another innocuously themed Gay Pride Fest: "Everyday People." Though some may complain about titles (especially ones that fetishize assimilation like this one), Pride is still a warmhearted get-together for the gay community—like a family reunion picnic, but with fewer mayonnaise-based dishes and more buttless chaps. Here's a rundown of the weekend's events; all will be held at the Tom McCall Waterfront Park, unless otherwise noted.

Saturday, June 18

2:25 pm--Benjamin Ruppert: Young, gay, and flighty fingered, 18-year-old Ruppert bangs out show tune-ish rock cabaret. Because as we all know, gays love show tunes!

2:50 pm--Portland Lesbian Choir: Hey, tongues are for singing, too!

3:20 pm--Clinton Street Cabaret (The Rocky Horror Picture Show): More show tunes! But this time it's done up all dirty by the cult fanatics from the Clinton!

3:40 pm--Demimonde Slumber Party: If the scheduled time of this event didn't tip you off already, this is not an actual slumber party. It is, however, the name of a female-fronted rock band from San Francisco via Eugene.

5:05 pm--DK PDX: Hipster drag kings show off their mannerisms with fake moustaches and clever skits. (Proving once again that queens are out and kings are king.)

6 pm--The Retros: Seattle cover band The Retros are all about the '80s dance hits you remember from the radio and the clubs, as well as putting on a show with bright, matching outfits. As gay as that sounds, these guys are merely queer-friendly.

7:30 pm--Molli Paige Band: Lesbian rocker Molli Paige and her band debut a song that was inspired by Measure 36!

8:20 pm--669: Dance proud, friends, as the provocatively titled 669 unleashes an alt-pop set that's sure to get you shakin'.

8:30 pm--Pride Warehouse Block Party: Although it's not officially one of the Pride events, this is definitely going to be one of the best. The good people at Boxxes have arranged a night of live music, DJs, and a silent auction with Poison Waters. NE 9th & Flanders, $12-30

9 pm--Portland's Pride Rebellion: Okay, so this isn't technically part of Pride either. If you like your dance parties getting started after 9 pm though, this is your cue to ditch the elders and head across the river for a dance party featuring a performance by drag troupe Sissyboy, live electronic dance from Flava Kelly, as well as DJs Puppet and Hotpants. Bossanova, 722 E Burnside, $5

Sunday, June 19

10 am--Taking Pride in Stark: If you feel like partying, the folks at the bars Scandals, Silverado, The Eagle, Boxxes, and sex boutique Spartacus are tearing up the block with a DJ'd dance party that hits the streets. SW Stark between 10th & 11th, $3

11 am--Dyke March 2005: Check the naked boobies and neck ties, bring your poignant signs and banners, and enjoy the raucous celebrating at one of Pride's most notorious events: The Dyke March. This year's theme is "The Second Coming"--whatever the hell that means. Starts at 800 SW Park at O'Bryant Square

11:30 am--Portland Pride Parade: Here's the event you've all been waiting for! Put on your rainbow-colored miniskirt, latex crop top, or whatever the heck and start spreading some gay pride. If nothing else, this is a great way to meet attractive singles in your area. Starts at NW Park and Davis, see map

1 pm--Mayor Tom Potter: The generous mayor has taken a whole five minutes out of his nap time to address Portland's gay community. Oh Tom, stop--you're too generous.

1:05 pm-Police Chief Derrick Foxworth: Derrick trumps Tom by giving the public 10 whole minutes!

1:45 pm--City Commissioner Sam Adams' Keynote Address: Hear what Portland's most professional and visible gay man has to say--for a whopping 15 minutes!

4:05 pm--Bear Dance: We're assuming this includes hairy gay men (often referred to as "bears") and a movement of the arms and legs (also referred to as "dancing").

5 pm--Portland Queer Idol Finalists perform: Loud and proud queers have been auditioning all month to be crowned the Rose City's Kelly Clarkson. Check their performances then text the name of your favorite singer to 1-800-QUE-ERID. No, don't, just kidding. They are performing, though.

5:45 pm--Closing Address: It all comes to an end NOW. No more partying allowed. It is now officially time to go home and take a buddy nap.

Saturday, June 18

12:55 Opening address
1:15 Cathole
2:20 Cascade AIDS Project
2:25 Benjamin Ruppert
2:45 Basic Rights Oregon
2:50 Portland Lesbian Choir
3:15 Love Makes a Family
3:20 The Clinton Street Cabaret performs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show
3:40 Demimonde Slumber Party
4:20 Prize Raffle
4:25 One With Heart
4:45 Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center
5:05 DK PDX
5:35 Pride Northwest
5:40 Spirit of Pride Awards
5:50 Champion of Pride Awards
6:00 The Retros
7:30 Molli Paige Band
8:20 669
9:10 Rubberneck

Sunday, June 19

11:30 Pride Parade Starts
1:00 Tom Potter
1:05 Derrick Foxworth
1:15 Portland Gay Men's Chorus
1:45 Sam Adams' Keynote Address
2:00 Magdalen Hsu-Li
2:50 Portland Taiko
3:05 Lynn Frances Anderson
3:50 Live On Stage
4:00 Equity Foundation
4:05 Bear Dance
4:15 Imperial Sovereign Rose Court
4:25 Prize Raffle
4:30 Shout Out
Portland Queer Idol Finalists
5:45 Closing Address