I'm not going to lie: dieting is hard work! Calorie counting, exercise, sweatpants, and cross trainers might make you thin, but they will also make you a NERD. Who can afford to lose cool points just to lose a couple of pounds? With these 6 helpful hints, you will lose weight, feel great, and get dates without losing the all-important street cred.


FRESH BREATH=HOT BOD

It's true what the former model says on TV--"There's only one little calorie in a Tic-Tac." By substituting a box of Tic-Tacs for a McRib Deluxe at lunch, you're cutting out hundreds of calories AND giving the gift of good breath to the world. Tic-Tacs come in four flavors: enough variety for breakfast, lunch AND dinner!


DRIP YOUR WAY TO THIN

Many wonderful diet foods are made with Olestra, a miracle fat with one very beneficial side effect--anal leakage! This means you can shed more unwanted pounds without effort, and still load up on the Pringles!


FIVE FINGER DIET

A faster heart rate increases metabolism and helps the body burn fat. Nothing raises the pulse like adrenaline-pumping FEAR OF ARREST. Shoplifting your fat-free faves keeps your wallet fat while you whittle away the pounds!


THC=FAT

Toking the magic herb is irie, mon... until the munchie monster strikes! Choose heart-pumping drugs like methamphetamine and cocaine, the secret of many a svelte celebrity. And remember, they don't call it heroin chic for nothing!


GROOVY GROOMING

Watching the boob tube packs on pounds instantly--toenails are the crunchy, protein-packed alternative to popcorn and candy. Plus you don't have to ask Mom to help with the microwave!


LEAN LOVIN'

Ask anyone, food and love-making go hand in hand, but when you're watching your weight, you don't want to blow your diet in the heat of passion. Instead, choose alternatives to your favorite body condiments: non-fat gravy, water-packed tuna, and heart-smart Country Crock are all wise substitutions.


CHEW ON THIS!

When you just have to have something in your mouth, why not make it a pacifier or whimsical chew toy? Everyone will think you just got back from a rave!