[EDITOR'S NOTE: The Mercury Online Auction is now over. Thanks so much for bidding and helping us raise money to support JOIN—a great nonprofit devoted to helping the homeless. Check out the Mercury next Thursday to see how much money you helped us raise!]
WAH! WAH WAH! Stop crying about being unable to find the perfect holiday gift for your loved one, and let the Mercury help! Now you can give (or get) a truly one-of-a-kind gift with the Mercury's Online Charity Gift Auction! PLUS! All the proceeds go to help the homeless—right here in Portland!
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
• Check out the following pages and pick the gifts you like best.
• Find your preferred gift, and click the link below it. This will take you to the item's home on eBay.
• Bid on your present, and check in regularly to make sure you still have the highest bid. Please be generous!
• Bidding starts NOW and ends on Friday, December 16th at 5 pm.
The winners will be notified immediately, and you can pick up your prize in plenty of time for Christmas!And ALL the proceeds from this year's auction will go directly to JOIN, a charity that really works to help transition the homeless into jobs and permanent housing.
FARGO ROCK CITY ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT—PLUS ALL THREE OF CHUCK KLOSTERMAN’S BOOKS AUTOGRAPHED
Spin senior writer Chuck Klosterman’s first book, Fargo Rock City, smartly and hilariously reintroduced the hair-metal era to contemporary audiences. With sidesplitting insightful investigations into the music and culture of Guns N’ Roses, Mötley Crüe, and Skid Row, Klosterman made it not only acceptable, but also cool to love heavy metal again. This is the original spiral-bound manuscript of the book, complete with handwritten notes from his editor and chapters that had to be cut for the final edit! Plus: autographed hardcover copies of Fargo Rock City; Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; and Killing Yourself to Live. A Klosterman fan’s dream!
BLAZER PARTY SUITE FOR 16
Watch basketball the way it was meant to be watched—like a cigar-chomping, champagne-swilling millionaire. Or at least live it up in temporary luxury with 15 of your closest friends in the Rose Garden’s party suite as the Blazers take on the Toronto Raptors on January 18. Thanks to the Blazers and Global Spectrum for their generous donation! Approximate Value: $2000!
KATO KAELIN-AUTOGRAPHED SEAGULL DECOUPAGE WALL ART
Try finding this baby at the mall! Try finding anything remotely this cool anywhere in the universe! Not only does this beautiful work of art feature a seagull soaring toward the heavens—it’s autographed by TV’s Kato Kaelin (from the O.J. Simpson trial) with a little stick figure in the sky and his inspirational phrase, “I’m in the clouds!” None of your friends have anything nearly this awesome, and neither will you—unless you bid early and bid often! APPROXIMATE VALUE: PRICELESS!
DESIGN THE MERCURY COVER
Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa? Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel ceiling? All are CRAP compared to the greatest artistic canvas of all time—the cover of the Portland Mercury! And now you can put whatever you damn well please on the Mercury’s cover! (Okay, “whatever you want” as long as it’s not creepy stuff like your naughty bits or looks like complete crap; certain restrictions apply). Use it as an ad, as a showcase for your painstakingly rendered landscapes, or as a self-glorifying close-up of yourself. Everyone in Portland sees it! APPROXIMATE VALUE: $3,000
DINNER AND A STRIP CLUB WITH DAN SAVAGE
Nationally syndicated sex columnist and award winning author DAN SAVAGE is a joy to both old and young alike—so why not have dinner and attend a strip club with him? Mr. Savage will set a date with you to visit Portland, at which time you will dine on scrumptious entrees and drinks at Voleur Kitchen and Bar (111 SW Ash), while Savage offers advice intended to salvage your dead sex life. And afterwards the two of you will attend one of Portland’s finest strip clubs! (Stripper tips provided.) APPROXIMATE VALUE: PRICELESS!
PRIVATE VIEWING PARTY AT THE CLINTON STREET THEATER
Dude, your TV sucks. Sure, you keep talking about how you want a high-definition plasma screen, but what’ve you got? A crappy 14-inch Zenith from 1983—which isn’t so good when watching your favorite movie in all its glory. Win this auction item, and you’ll get to watch your very favorite DVD… on the Clinton St. Theater’s huge-ass movie screen (2522 SE Clinton)! And you’ll get to invite all your friends! Weekend at Bernie’s II never looked so good!