We met at Tugboat and hit it off instantly, racing through the conversation because we were so excited about what the other person was going to say next. She dragged me to a bar, another bar, her friend's drag show, a food cart, another bar, and finally back to her car where, quite drink, she rifled through her purse looking for her car keys. "Where are my fucking keys?"
She turned to me. "YOU fucking took them! This was your plan along! You fucking" — she started hitting me with her purse — "asshole!"
After a face-heavy Gucci-sponsored smackdown, I ran to a nearby taqueria and ordered a burrito. Five minutes later she found me and pressed her face against the window, mouthing "I'm sorry" and making a kissy face. A waiter turned to me and asked "Bad date?"
I just looked at him.