IT'S SQUIRREL SEASON in the Pearl! There may not be much to do for fun in our otherwise vibrant urban community, but soon the squirrels will be out in droves and we've got the hot scoop on all the new players in town.
1. Don Squirrelo Ardilla. This feisty Castilian fellow may have lost an eye to a crow, but you wouldn't know it by the swish of his tail or the rakish angle of his whiskers.
2. Dr. Fuzzchops P. Lambkin. Laughter is the best medicine, and while squirrels, or indeed any rodent, lack the cognitive capacity for humor, you'll be splitting your sides at the sight of her chubby cheeks.
3. Harv "Hardcase" McNutty. This husky lad looks like he could star in a squirrel-based buddy cop movie! Like, he's a squirrel who follows all the rules, but his partner, also a squirrel or maybe Will Ferrell, won't follow any rules at all. Next stop: Hollywood!
4. Osgood Chitterton III. You'll spot this dapper swain from a mile away. He's got the style and élan of a young Western gray squirrel, but the dash and verve of an American red.
5. Leonard F. Schuyler, MSc. Leonard isn't a squirrel in the traditional sense, in that he's not a squirrel. He's a chiropractor. But he didn't make it onto our "57 Chiropractors Under 57" list and we felt like cutting him a break.
6. Murdery, the Squirrel Who Murders. Don't worry, it's just a nickname. A squirrel could never murder a person, no matter how skilled they are with a blade.