It's just after sunset.Cars driving by.Some on the way home from a long days work.Others perhaps cruising the whores out front.I wipe the dust off the counter and take a long deep breath.They will arrive soon.The neon outside lights up the first group of folks approaching the doorway.Their heeeere.....sudsuckers!"Damn,here we go again".Fuck it.I need the money."Welcome folks"I say to the first couple in the doorway."Suds"is all they say."You got it".As I serve them up,I overhear one say,"He looks kind of nerdy".Another adds "Yea a fat nerd too".Yes here we go again.....or not?I walk back to the table and spit on the one that called me a nerd.I then proceed to smash a bottle of suds over the one who said I was fat.Hollow hearted hipsters.That was my third and last night as a bartender.
@ the first story....that story is one that i've seen happen similarly lots of times, but it never fails...the loudest guy in the bar is 9 times out of 10, the weakest one. I'm a big guy, but i try to be friends with everyone unless there's no other option but to go head up with a fool.
Reggae skinheads love to beat down hipsters when hipsters act tough, because there's always one around their set trying to be loud when it ain't even necessary. Just be cool with the skinheads, and they'll be cool with you. DJ Matty Valentine's clique are some of the most awesome dudes you could know unless you get on their bad side.
Great article Tonry, wish there was more to read.
Folks be getting drunk and fighting/boning.
I'm not offended, just bored.
mel, don't get all offended. It's an article about drunk people and inappropriate behavior. I thought it painted the picture quite lyrically myself. We're not talking about the guys who built the railroads here.
I smell a weekly column here.... Love it!!
"It's raised in the front, and sparkles in the moonlight. It roars to life and they drive away with the lights off." That, combined with the use of the historical present, and I'm purple patched out for a good while. That first writer should ditch the bar and apply for a position at Pitchfork.
Ugh, brilliant use of cutting-edge humor there with the "unattractive big-ass white girl/42" waist/moooo" references, final bartender.
Do Portland bartenders get out much?
Nice! Mockcrest's pathetically indignant whingefest over what was not a bad review just too fucking funny, and no surprise at all.
Probably for the best that you didn't visit Marie's.
But you should. It's a nice bar, and not nearly enough people go there.
People, can I give you the same caution I gave those f***ers who were freaking out when they thought "Portlandia" on IFC was real:
IT'S. A JOKE.
Funny, funny writer make ha-ha. You laughie-laugh. Feel so good.
No? Nothin'...? Alright, well, make sure to tip your wait staff, they're working hard for you.
Hate to say it...but Darcy's does suck. Get rid of the creepy video lottery room in the back and maybe we'll talk. One local watering hole that should have been covered and would have won the competition for lombard would have to be the Your Inn Tavern, which is a stone's throw from lombard and sells PBR's for $1.50 during happy hour. 82nd will never be cooler than NOPO! Really sad to see that Lopez obviously has no taste...pretty funny writing style...and it is also apparent the snark laden commentary is supposed to generate a little buzz, which it did...funny shit y'all....keep up the good work.
ugh, sorry. confused the Mock Crest with the Perch for some reason. I retract my comment since I've never been to the Mock Crest.
Seriously, you cannot take a tiny snap shot on some off-evening and make claims that are Fair and Just! You make the Mock sound like it is full of White Racist?
We got two white folks from Ireland, both super smart, and you can understand most of what is being spoken about, until about the 4th pint.
We got some white guys, who drink and sing, and I cannot understand their "broque" even when they have not had a single drop!
Brian is a very successful Portland Attorney, and one hell of a nice guy, and a Super Poker player.
Mark is well loved and welcomed by everyone...and he loves us....has a little habit of talking to the players during NFL games....
Seneca...if I had his looks...I would have dates!
Marlena, his sister, she scares me when we play poker, she is good, and damn it, she is lucky too.
Willie is just full of Life and Loves hang'in out on Sunday and Monday nites.
James is real quiet, but when he does talk, folks listen...when I talk, people start asking..."where is the duct tape?"
J.D. is recovering from some health issues....J.D. you are an amazing person.
ASIANS: Ran comes from Thailand, and he takes care of "Cancer Kids" at the Ronald McDonald House...I wish I had half the heart of him?
Pao...now he will get pissed off at me...if I say he is from Laos...because he comes from way up North Laos....the Mienh Tribe....hope i spelled it correctly? Pao graduated from Georgetown University....and he is a stand up guy...always has a book in his hand...and our top point player in our Free Poker venue on Sunday and Monday nites...come before 6:30 p.m., and get $1000 bucks in chips.....buy a micro brew...and get $500 for every pint.
I do not consider Women a minority....but...half our poker players are Women...and about 30% are Black....5% Asians.....
I am the white dude you are referring to in your article?
I was not dancing, damn it, I was stumbling on my way to the bathroom?
I have been in some great bars in this country....Dallas, Tampa, Chicago, L.A. There is no comparison, the MOCK CREST is the friendliest and most diverse bar I have ever been in...and the two owners are the most professional and courteous owners that I have ever met!
Please, come back on sunday night or Monday Night....tell us who you are?
I will buy you a pint...I promise....
Just ask...who is Rocko the Taco?
Spend 2 hours with a "handle in your hand" and all your cares will go away?
"I would rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy" Tom Waits.
The Mock keeps me sane.
Rocko the Taco
I'm not associated with the Mock Crest at all but I have been there and I'll have to agree with mockcrest's comment. The review didn't sound at all like what I experienced. It's a fun place for karaoke and there were plenty of younger people there, me included. We didn't have that crowded with old people experience that the reviewer had, and we went on a Friday or Saturday night, I don't remember which exactly. It was easy to find a table close to the karaoke stage and there was everything from long-haired hippies to a group of hipster pseudo-lesbian girls and a even a metal dude who put on a great karaoke show.
Breaking news: local newspaper devotes cover story to making fun of the poor.
I guess my opinion comes with a grain of salt since I work at the paper, but I thought the review of the Mock Crest made it sound unpretentious and fun. (Except for the phrase "three-dollar munchbox," which is just gross.)
I cannot express how livid I am about the "review" of Mock Crest
in the current issue. What a bunch of bull shit. I know a lot of the
staff of your paper have been to The Mock, and I am certain they
will agree the review has zero representation of the bar.
I don't give a damn about the "competition" but at least he/she
should represent the bar as it is - not pick on a couple of
inconsequential nits to harp on again and again.
Should we ever decide to advertise with you again, you might
find a reviewer with a fucking brain!!
Batsquatch - I love where you're neighborhood pride is at (strong, very strong), but I have to say that I will take Ms. Perez's gradeschool-esque name calling antics all day long if it keeps the snobs in snobville and out of my watering holes. Readers - do you prefer gentrification, nice bars in a "not-so-nice" part of town? Please, do us both a favor and stay west of 81st (if you can even find your way out here), or better yet 33rd and south of Killingsworth. I will keep rubbing elbows over cheap and strong cocktails with my jewel thief friends and laugh at your hipster pretentiousness.
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