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Comment Archives: Stories: Columns: Savage Love

Re: “Savage Love

I don't know about the hashtag status, but "not all men" was a well known cliche prior to Elliot's shooting spree and the #yesallwomen dialogue. #yesallwomen was actually in response to that stupid argument (though really it's more of a derailing tactic than an argument).

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by ForWhomTheBellTrolls on 06/20/2014 at 4:16 PM

Re: “Savage Love

OSW, I've been happily married to my husband for nearly 30 years. He's an amazing, understanding man who has never condescended to me, abused me or shown any reaction other than horror when women are abused. He doesn't think I'm "bossy" or "pushy". He actually values my strong personality.

Most of the men I know are like that. I'm probably exposed to a particular slice of society that's rife with amazing men, and I've NEVER taken that for granted.

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Peggy Smith-Rowland on 06/20/2014 at 8:24 AM

Re: “Savage Love

"I'm inviting women to comment on men who have done the right thing...."


1 like, 4 dislikes
Posted by Kellen on 06/20/2014 at 4:01 AM

Re: “Savage Love

Somebody doesn't know how to close an italics tag.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by disastronaut on 06/18/2014 at 1:40 PM

Re: “Savage Love

Somebody really doesn't like beards.…

Posted by xauen on 06/14/2014 at 10:25 AM

Re: “Savage Love

At last my happiness has been restored through Dr WASIU of My mouth is full of testimonies but here is a little i can say out of the whole wondrous things Dr WASIU has done for me i was in a great and the sweetest relationship with my man WAYNE for three years and we were both in love and even planning of getting married November 2014 so when he traveled for on the a business trip to Australia he melt a lady there whom he dated for two months and when he returned back to home he began to behave strange and with not long he said he is tired of this relationship looking for ways to break our love life and he finally push me out and bring in the Australia lady with him .this time i was frustrated and devastated about my love life so i vow not to rest until i am able to get back the only man i have ever loved so i began to look for a solution to restore my love life . one day my friend Jessica Sanchez came to me telling me about this man DR WASIU saying this man has helped her restore her marriage life, so i said let me also try as i have no other choice in getting back Wayne. at first when i contacted him i thought nothing will work but it was like a dream and surprise when he told me he will help me out by bringing back my wayne to me. Dr WASIU of has done this for me so i want you all to join me to say thank you to this man, and if any one here is also passing through a similar problem i will advice you to contact him today and i know your problems will be solve

0 likes, 5 dislikes
Posted by Anita Mark on 06/08/2014 at 7:23 PM

Re: “Savage Love

Awesome and clever way to divide up all the scenarios on the last Q.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Lisa Freeman on 06/03/2014 at 5:01 PM

Re: “Savage Love

0 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Fleant Eastman on 05/03/2014 at 6:35 AM

Re: “Savage Love

They've had used schoolgirl panties vending machines in Japan for quite some time. Because, Japan.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by disastronaut on 04/25/2014 at 10:50 AM

Re: “Savage Love

yep I agree with both prior commentors. Staying with someone to make them happy when you are not, will more than likely fuel fights, and be emotionally draining. It will certainly tear the relationship apart in a horribly unkind way (probably from both sides). And leaving the 40 something clueless is also bad news.

Hard to think of exactly the right thing. Maybe breaking up with him with an easy white lie such as "I'm just not really ready for a commitment." AND "Let's stay friends" AND actually for a bit go out as friends. Keep in mind to wait a while so he doesn't feel like maybe you will get back together. Go out have a coffee or something, and politely mention "some things" you have been thinking about your prior (but absolutely over) relationship, and maybe he'll learn for his next relationship.

Also if you are thinking of going back to the old fling, maybe you should start friends first and talk about what you were unhappy with in HIS relationship to you.

Posted by oneofthelast888 on 04/15/2014 at 5:43 PM

Re: “Savage Love

Short of fear that the dude might act out and get hostile, I don't know if I agree about lying totally to the guy that's overbearing and doesn't realize you're not attracted to him. It's gonna be incredibly painful to hear, but maybe some diluted version of 'I don't find you physically attractive' would help. Even if it was some variation of 'We're not sexually compatible.'

White lies are permissible sometimes (the shorter the relationship, the more they are, in my opinion), but other times you're enabling that person to just continue behaving the way they always do, being as clueless and as emotionally disconnected as they always are. Getting hit by a truck (that's full of truth) can be the thing that some people need to really look at themselves.

Posted by lyle on 04/15/2014 at 9:08 AM

Re: “Savage Love

To the 23-year-old bi woman--
I have been in relationships I didn't want to be in and felt similarly irritated and annoyed by the other person. I have also entered into relationships I wasn't really all that into from the start, and that is why I felt similarly to how you describe feeling. Dan is right, you shouldn't have started dating the 40-something if you weren't into him. You enter the relationship thinking you are being nice because it makes THEM happy. But since being with this guy doesn't make you happy, those feelings will show eventually and your unhappiness will make him unhappy. Believe me, I've been through it. So if you aren't into someone but he or she is into you, do what all DARE officers tell you to do and JUST SAY NO. In the long term, it's the nicer thing to do. You won't feel repulsed by the attention of someone you are in a serious relationship with if you sincerely care about him or her.

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Brynn Kibert on 04/10/2014 at 3:35 PM

Re: “Savage Love

As much as Dan Savage has helped people, he needs to be spoofed from time to time. Funny ...

Posted by Richard Omega on 03/12/2014 at 5:39 AM

Re: “Savage Love

I thought the preferred form of the word was "splooge," not "spooge."

2 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by puredog on 03/06/2014 at 1:35 PM

Re: “Savage Love

RING; buddy just marry her. See if you can tone down the religious stuff in the ceremony but it means way more to her than it does to you. I speak from experience: My wife wanted a wedding, I really didn't care if we were married or not. I was committed to her before we got paperwork that said we were. But I love my wife, she's my best friend and if this makes her happy and secure in our future together then why couldn't I just say "I will". Buck up, buy her a ring, and make it happen.

6 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Kerry on 02/07/2014 at 8:22 AM

Re: “Savage Love

ugly whore go get it....and multiply your stay in florida with more.

0 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by danton on 01/18/2014 at 8:29 AM

Re: “Savage Love

I disagree with Humanoid's assumption that 'transgender' can be used as a verb. By very definition, 'trans-' is a prefix that indicates opposite/other. Transgender would be defined specifically as 'other gender' or 'opposite gender'. So to use a sentence as suggested where transgender acts as a verb: "I'm planning to transgender", it would break out to "I'm planning to other gender" which is a truly incomplete statement in English.

I'm planning to 'change my' gender would be ok.
I'm planning to 'become' transgender would be an acceptable sentence, but a strange choice.

Since we cannot use it as a verb, 'transgendered' is not an acceptable attribute in this way.

I am transgender, however, and I am not offended by the misuse of the word 'transgendered' (even though it is clearly wrong.) :)

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Natalie Avery Smyth on 01/16/2014 at 9:32 AM

Re: “Savage Love

Let's look at what UNCL is complaining about and guess what really happened, because there is no such thing as an unmistakable "hot steamy eye fuck" and never will be such a thing until eyeballs grow genitals. This HSEF might have been solely in the eye of the beholder (forgive me). It probably was.

The reality could be that the nephew understood he was being sent a warm smile of support, and he was so grateful that whenever he looked at the uncle he had an expression of loving gratitude -- which the uncle then misinterpreted as sexual desire because that's something some straight men do. You must know yourself, Savage, that there are straight men who cannot receive friendliness or warmth from a gay man without assuming that it involves sexual desire. Part of what fuels homophobia in straight men is the idea that all gay men want to fuck them.

It's kind of sad. The kid is beleaguered by a semi-hostile family, gets a non-verbal show of support, responds with a non-verbal look of gratitude, and then the uncle decides it's (homo)sexual. Some show of support!

I would have asked UNCL what made him so sure it was an "eye fuck" and suggested that, without an overt pass being made, he was getting the wrong idea and should drop this nonsense until he had something real to act on. And I'd try harder to read between the lines of the "facts" presented in these one-sided descriptions.

2 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by Robert Triptow on 01/15/2014 at 11:49 PM

Re: “Savage Love

I'm totally down with people's struggles to attain gender equity regardless of where on the identity spectrum they may take their stand, BUT the word nerd in me rises to denounce Petosky's ignorant pontifications on word usage. "Transgender" is typically used as a substantive (i.e., EITHER as a noun or an adjective), but if somebody wants to use it as a verb ("I'm planning to transgender") there's no intrinsic reason why they should not. In this case, "transgendered" is a participle (verbal substantive), which can be used attributively, like an adjective (as with "left-handed" or "well-dressed"), or as a noun ("the wounded," "my beloved," "the completely finished may proceed to the exit").

I don't understand exactly why "transgendered" has come to have a political charge that makes it toxic while "transgender" is preferred as a descriptor, but it definitely has nothing to do with proper grammar. If you're going to talk about respect for the English language, you should take care to "first cast out the beam out of thine own eye," kiddo.

2 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by humanoid on 01/13/2014 at 8:06 AM

Re: “Savage Love

Haha, spot-on "sexpert" parody ...

0 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Samuel Stone on 01/10/2014 at 6:31 AM

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