Comment Archives: Stories: Columns
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
and one more thing. karmel: just being fat doesn't make you funny. In fact fat people are even less funny when they are not funny. Know what im saying?
Re: “I, Anonymous”
I am not anonymous my name is MIKE NEESON, and I think you are all total pussies.
This section of the Mercury would be much more entertaining if people would just grow a set, and let the person whom has offended them HAVE IT. Tell them your real name and where you live and settle the problem face to face.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
I'm reading Rick Perlstein's "Before the Storm: Barry Goldwater and the Unmaking of the American Consensus." Coincidence? I Think So!
But I appreciate what you're saying with this one, Ian. I keep trying to say more or less This whenever anyone starts up with the whole "where young people come to retire" bullshit. I remind them: it's not a great place to find a job, but it is a great place to start a business. And the reason all the resta these people move here all the time is that it's genuinely pleasant to live here. We specifically made it that way for you.
Quality of Life is actually worth considering, believe it or not.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
All I remember is the first five words of my Torah portion. I SPENT TWO YEARS LEARNING THAT SHIT.
Re: “Letters to the Editor”
Dear Mercury - I know you are crying a river right now because you don't get to have fluoride in the water. Don't worry I won't kick you when you're down. Just don't worry about the Little Children. They are going to be okay. Did you know all Portland Public School students get fluoride everyday for free if they chose. I know this because I am a PPS teacher. :) Funny how you overlooked this little fact in your editorial supporting fluoride in the public water systeml. So, once you dry those little tears of yours and blow your nose, if you wouldn't mind, could you please bust those corporations who peddle colored sugar water laced with acid to our Little Children. Their products do terrible things - tooth decay, obesity, health problem, etc. Somehow you let them off the hook before.
Peter
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Thank God I don't have to give a fuck about Barry Goldwater all day. But I do have to give a fuck about fluoride all day. Hey, what have you done? Now my wife says "That shit needs a sidecar" whenever I say something profound. She also says I should be more ambitious like you. Curse you, Ian! You win again....BTW, you learned Hebrew in 1997, I learned Hebrew in 1967. I can tell you right now that that shit is not going to stick.
Re: “Savage Love”
DSG gets all the hate 'cause if the girl she's kissing on is bi or les, then she might think that DSG is also & might get to go home together... But DSG is just doing it to get the DSBs horny so she can go home with one of them, instead... DSG is the equivalent of a cock-tease.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
@I'mrightyerwrong... i believe his rather sad diatribe is directed towards me. Must be difficult not having a life or grasp on sanity, eh "Clowntown"?
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Ok beatdown over.
Ian you need to try harder and represent. Aint nobody else funny SOMETIMES in PDX.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
ah- i am the same way with my lady parts- i know she is way cleaner than a public bathroom! I use my shirt to open and close bathroom doors, a paper toel to turn on the faucet, I always hover- usually sink areas are gross and unkept anyways. Yuk.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
^^^If you gots to explain a joke its a hack joke.
Why do I still need to tell you this Ian?
Here's how unambitious P-town is: Some guy who's biggest claim to fame is being an extra on portlandia feels the need to self appoint himself as Town Crier.
Note to Clowntown- you will cease and desist from your frantic spray pissing on karmel. Thats my job.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
I was completely sober when I wrote this, but I do smoke a decent amount of pot.
The dad folding Lee dungarees before church is the person most likely to tell you some dumb joke, and even HE thinks its a dumb joke to call Portland unambitious.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
This is probably the single best thing I've ever read in this rag, actually. Bravo, Ian!
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Portland is very ambitious. Do you know how much effort goes into dressing up as Waldo? Let alone finding him?
RSSGoing to Seattle?
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Where is the bike jousting league in this town and how do I sign up? On a side note, me and a friend make delicious ganja beer which pisses on both OLCC regs AND OMMP regs. How's that for ambition?