Comment Archives: Stories: Columns
Re: “Portland As Fuck”
Ian-Is one of the actresses you mentioned the blonde with the top-knot hairdo from The Road Warrior? The one making eyes at Bruce Spence? Because I have always had a thing for her.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
I have no idea what that means, but I'm going to take it as a compliment. Thank you.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
While I strongly prefer for drunkards to NOT drive, I also prefer for pompous self important anons to brag about it to the I, Anonymous. So in the future, do your "civic duty" anon, but pat yourself on the back in private.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
Another vote here for justsayinderp and iAnon. It is much better for drunk fuckwads to get in trouble than for innocent people to get killed. AND, it is much better and safer to let the police handle said drunk fuckwads than to try to handle a whole group of them yourself. Duh.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
Are you kidding me? Never heard of shopping online? I am 6'3" and I have so many jeans that are too long, it's incredible.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Dearest Ian: I love speed chess and I haven't lost one goddamn bit of my comedy skills. I hope a hippo eats you, but only after it eats about 900 pounds of kale. What this world needs is fewer Mercury writers and more people who can win a game of chess in less than 5 minutes. Shitbird. With fondest regards, Number 6
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Time for a rewrite, buddy. Schallberger, Ricketts & Newstetter were all added. Have you seen Joe Hieronymus lately? Self-promotion as fuck.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
Ah, so he should shoot out their tires or wrassle their keys from them?
Drunk drivers suck, and it's ridiculous how ubiquitous it is in Portland and especially at events like Last Thursday that only exist for drinking, drugging, and driving.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
@I'mrightyerwrong - You can call her Jen Allen, she'd be a comedian if we were dating or not, she was a comedian before we ever met, but... your point about female comedians isn't just insulting to female comedians, but it says more about your lack of intelligence than it does about the state of comedy.
To answer your ridiculous thought - Roseanne is a legendary comedian, but she isn't ALL FEMALE COMEDIANS. It's not like every subsequent female comedian is just a lesser version of Roseanne Barr, they're as diverse and varied in skill and approach as any male comedian.
I know you're just a troll, and you take pride in shit like this, but I'm saying this more for other people reading this than for you... if you think women aren't as funny as men, I feel sorry for you. You have issues that need to be addressed, and once you address those issues, you can enjoy the spectacular comedy of not just Jen Allen and Marcia Belsky, but of people like Amy Schumer, Tig Notaro, Maria Bamford, Jackie Kashian, Emily Heller, Kate Berlant, Laura Kightlinger, Ilisa Schlessinger (I spelled her first name wrong 'cus my keyboard is broken), Natasha Leggero, Cameron Esposito, I mean FUCK, I could keep going on for ages. Make your fucking life better, enjoy comedians regardless of what kind of genitals they have, you fucking cretin. Jesus.
Re: “One Day at a Time”
Gwyneth has the ass of a 22-year-old stripper...in a Ziplock bag, in her freezer.
Call the police!
Re: “I, Anonymous”
justsayinderp; you are a tool and a not very sharp one.
before you start annointing this iAnon as some sort of superhero question why he isnt STOPPING the alleged drunk drivers BEFORE they get in their car and start rolling down the road plowing people? Because thats NOT what he's doing. As he said he is simply using the police to get back at people who drive cooler cars than him (yakima'd? I guess?) and who woke his sorry ass up having late night fun.
What a reactionist little weak shred of crying towel you are.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
mrrightyerwrong you are a total fucking douche bag the word "snitch" doesn't apply here as who this person is is an individual doing their civic duty by reporting a bunch of drunk ass idiots who are too stupid to figure out that you can't drive around fucked up. you think it's cool to drive around our fair city wasted with all your bro's bro? If you see someone committing a serious crime say like rape or murder child abuse would you too not call the police and do some "snitching"? Having had a family member who went through the horrific experience of killing their best friend while drunk driving i can attest to the fact that they would have welcomed a good samaritan bush creeper calling the cops on them as opposed to vehicular manslaughter and a lifetime of guilt. you sir need to check your head.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
Christian Ricketts is opening two shows for Mary Lynn Rajskub April 25th at Mississippi Studios. He is a VERY funny and original comedic voice to be sure.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
If the funniest woman of all time is Roseanne and Ian's gf is quite a few rows down from that level of talent then should i expect to laugh at all? Not that no women are ever funny its just generally women are not that funny. Like that Chelsea Lately woman. Cant fucking stand her.
Re: “I, Anonymous”
MFADD. Except its not really an organization. Its just one super creepy guy with no friends, no life and all the time in the world to snitch people from the bushes. No wonder you are anonymous.
Re: “Portland as Fuck”
This article warms the cockles of my heart
RSSGoing to Seattle?
Re: “LETTERS TO THE EDITOR”
Also, it's kind of gross to say that flowers smell like semen. Let's just say that semen smells like flowers. At least mine does.