yep I agree with both prior commentors. Staying with someone to make them happy when you are not, will more than likely fuel fights, and be emotionally draining. It will certainly tear the relationship apart in a horribly unkind way (probably from both sides). And leaving the 40 something clueless is also bad news.
Hard to think of exactly the right thing. Maybe breaking up with him with an easy white lie such as "I'm just not really ready for a commitment." AND "Let's stay friends" AND actually for a bit go out as friends. Keep in mind to wait a while so he doesn't feel like maybe you will get back together. Go out have a coffee or something, and politely mention "some things" you have been thinking about your prior (but absolutely over) relationship, and maybe he'll learn for his next relationship.
Also if you are thinking of going back to the old fling, maybe you should start friends first and talk about what you were unhappy with in HIS relationship to you.
In response to the mercury clip about funding for the "bike-share" program.
Anyone remember the prior "bike-share" program in which (I believe they were) yellow bikes left around for people to ride and leave for someone else. They didn't even last long enough for me to remember what color they were. Almost instantly they were locked up (but still their same color), or spray-painted another color and locked up. No longer "communal". Besides with the meth-head population nowadays they could probably chop up and sell every communal bike within a few days.
I think it doesn't matter about funding FOR the bikes, how would the city keep a hold on all the communal bike so that they stay communal?
oh this isn't posting a letter to the editor, it's comment....oh well maybe it will magically appear in the letters-to-the-editor spot anyway.
Short of fear that the dude might act out and get hostile, I don't know if I agree about lying totally to the guy that's overbearing and doesn't realize you're not attracted to him. It's gonna be incredibly painful to hear, but maybe some diluted version of 'I don't find you physically attractive' would help. Even if it was some variation of 'We're not sexually compatible.'
White lies are permissible sometimes (the shorter the relationship, the more they are, in my opinion), but other times you're enabling that person to just continue behaving the way they always do, being as clueless and as emotionally disconnected as they always are. Getting hit by a truck (that's full of truth) can be the thing that some people need to really look at themselves.
If the Portland Mercury was a chef, it would consistently create decent, tasty meals that look great and satisfy a variety of palates. But every so often this mature, competent chef would suddenly revert to being an inconsiderate punk kid for a bit and decide to, for no good reason, sneak in a dollop of feces or a mouthful of phlegm into an otherwise healthy dish, just to be a disgusting asshole.
To the 23-year-old bi woman--
I have been in relationships I didn't want to be in and felt similarly irritated and annoyed by the other person. I have also entered into relationships I wasn't really all that into from the start, and that is why I felt similarly to how you describe feeling. Dan is right, you shouldn't have started dating the 40-something if you weren't into him. You enter the relationship thinking you are being nice because it makes THEM happy. But since being with this guy doesn't make you happy, those feelings will show eventually and your unhappiness will make him unhappy. Believe me, I've been through it. So if you aren't into someone but he or she is into you, do what all DARE officers tell you to do and JUST SAY NO. In the long term, it's the nicer thing to do. You won't feel repulsed by the attention of someone you are in a serious relationship with if you sincerely care about him or her.
Yeesh. That is an awfully passionate and assumptive rant. Good for you! I am glad there is such a drive to call out a complete stranger. I am glad that you have been brave enough to say something directly to that person and have done so in a forum that allows that person to know your identity so they can discuss the situation with you. Oh, wait ...
Sorry, your tirade kind of feels like pointless whining.
First Thursday was less annoying 10-12 years ago, I would agree. Actually a lot has changed here in the last 10-12 years.......some of which is probably great for the city and some of which (vis a vis a lot of the current bullshit)......we are deluged with transplants many of whom want to make their "Own Private Portland " based upon some yuppie or hipster bullshit. Welcome to San Francisco in another 10 years
What the fuck did I just read. Obviously I need more. Just like the rest of you. Don't hide in shame. It's Norm.
I'm Jerry Masterson's younger brother. I think shit is fucked too! Jerry said I can write for him while he's in jail.
Wouldn't a $6 wage hike just screw over everyone getting paid $15 at their jobs right now? It's not like they're likely to get a 40% wage increase to match, right?
Shouldn't a "threatening heart-to-heart" more like a "knife-to-heart"?
You do not understand economics very well. I agree that it is a bit of a jump, how about 11? does that make you feel better? Keep in mind people make a lot more than that for not.....doing very much.
I hope you do get Hep C. Maybe then you'll realize that blood-borne diseases are, SHOCKINGLY, not limited to "pustule-covered, disease-infected homeless [people]" but can affect even super classy ladies like you. Actually, I hope you get pustules too.
$15 an hour is a compassionate but misguided idea. It violates the laws of supply and demand. It willl result in a) cost being passed on to consumers, essentially a tax; or b) consumers not willing to pay and business having to cut staff; or c) costs passed on but then the price of everything else will inflate eventually and we're back where we started.
I am hoping for the best but expecting not much.
Um, shouldn't this column have been "Check Out Agenda! by Nik Wallenda, Public Defenda"?
"Bakers getting squicky about having to bake a cake for gay folks"? Dawn, either stop trying to trivialize the bigotry or admit you're a homophobe.
Speaking of Jem and The Holograms:
Dear Ms. Doyle,
That's fine that you think about the problems that make men homeless. I do as well, since I spent time on the streets and have also worked in shelters and soup kitchens. My point, which you completely missed, is not everyone is big and strong as the man I was originally addressing, nor has the luxury of feeling safe when a large male is drunk or stoned and verbally and physically aggressive. Maybe you are big and strong. Good for you. But I deliberately used the word "petite," not "nubile" (and what, pray tell, compelled you to go there?) because I was trying to make a point that people who are small are sometimes afraid of people who are big for very good reasons. You apparently have never had this experience or you would have not written your letter. You basically proved my original point -- Portland is afflicted by "liberals" and "conservatives" who socialize primarily with people who echo their own opinions and who lack empathy and insight and regularly clash over the homeless because neither side is capable of completely formed thoughts. People who think complete thoughts take into account the problems that afflict the homeless, women in our society, business owners trying to cater to customers and police officers charged with doing society's dirty work. People who don't form complete thoughts just indulge in bashing. Your letter appears to indicate you're more interested in being my moral superior than in solving the problems that give rise to the hostility many businesses and workers in downtown Portland feel toward the homeless. So be it. You have a lot of company in this town. That's one of the reasons we can't come up with workable solutions that allow people to live in peace with each other, and why we'll continue to have more of these problems this coming summer.
Or... The landlord/management company has previously had to replace all the carpet, every window covering, and repaint the entire interior of said house when tenants with "one cat" turned out to have a whole lot more-- plus a dog-- all with poor house training...
When one "bad" tenant costs thousands of dollars more than the security deposit covers you very quickly switch to 'no pets' or higher deposits and monthly fees to protect your investment. Sadly, policy has to be geared to protect against the worst renters, not the best.
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