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Comment Archives: stories: Feature

Re: “How to Have Super-Cold Beer, Super Fast

Damn good tip!

Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/21/2015 at 10:49 AM

Re: “How to Roast a Whole Damn Pig

laughy laugh laugh

WAY too complicated.

Heather you do know this is supposed to be primitive fun don't you?

I have actually roasted a whole pig in the ground.

All you really need is:

the hole
buncha banana leaves, get these where you can, try and get a pickup truck sized amount but really you do want to have 5 or 6 layers of these
3 large bags of briquets. The pig doesn't care if the bags say safeway
7 hours of cooking time
meat thermometer

thing is it is impossible to overcook a pig this way. just keep the pig protected all the way around by leaves, keep the charcoal coming and flip the pig about 3-4 hours through and reassemble your fire. This part is better done with 3 people, 2 if the pig is small.

keep the pig protected
keep the heat on, after about 90 minutes unwrap and check the temp of the pig at a couple of places. Should be about 170 in top and bottom. And if it isnt, double up the charcoal

The hardest part will literally be patience as the smoky aroma will wear you out its so good.

Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/21/2015 at 10:41 AM

Re: “How to Throw a Global Backyard Party

good ideas. The crayfish thing is a bit played though. crayfishing isnt that easy anymore on account of pollution and dredging and farmed crayfish isn't worth it so i don't know.

Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/21/2015 at 10:15 AM

Re: “How to Have Super-Cold Beer, Super Fast

Or you could spin it to get it cold in one minute without salt: http://www.spinchill.com

3 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Ty Parker on 05/21/2015 at 9:19 AM

Re: “How to Roast a Whole Damn Pig

In case it wasn't clear, the cinder block "box" should be on TOP of the ground, not inside the pit -- you want the coals to be a few feet below the pig. And the layer of coals should only be a couple inches thick. Sorry if that was confusing!

Posted by voodoolily on 05/20/2015 at 1:00 PM

Re: “How NOT to Go Hiking

I shall continue my campaign to NOT nod at Alex Falcone at various Portland locations. Surprisingly difficult. He's an easy guy to nod at.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by catbot on 05/18/2015 at 11:56 AM

Re: “How NOT to Go Hiking

Related: My least favorite thing about hiking is taking the exact same way back down the hill you just climbed - in which case, your OHSU idea can be expanded to include a short hike from OHSU to Council Crest, where you can check out some sweet views, then take a bus back down -- or continue over the Marquam Trail to the Zoo, where you can see LIONS and then take the MAX straight back home.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Melogna on 05/17/2015 at 9:55 AM

Re: “How to Glamp

Wow, you are a special princess. I'm sure no one would ask you to even go "glamping" after this article. Just stay at home and leave all the other campers alone who have to listen to you bitch about having to sleep in the woods. Please. You have just made a lot of people really hate you.

0 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by Kimmy Irving on 05/15/2015 at 7:19 PM

Re: “How to Pee

ok. The Colonel read each summer how-to.

The Colonel, is not only stupider than he was five minutes ago he has been shorn of his free time and plucked of his common sense.

Well done Mercury. The first guide to doing absolutely nothing.

4 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/15/2015 at 2:55 PM

Re: “How to Hitchhike to Sauvie Island

Sauvé is the correct, French pronunciation, however Wappatoo Island is what the Scappoosean Injuns called it.

0 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Panamaniac Dred on 05/15/2015 at 2:47 PM

Re: “How to Get Someone to Take You to the River

Suzette, you may be new around the Merc or maybe not but just fyi you don't have to do your own drawings, there are people around there who will do that for you. Cheers,

0 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/15/2015 at 2:26 PM

Re: “How to Hike... by Bus

Rocky Butte has a top secret Navy SEAL operation deep inside the mountain. There is actually a submarine base with an underground river which flows to the Columbia. More than one hiker has been disappeared from the trails up there.

Furthermore, Downtown Portland has old steam tunnels which the Joint Terrorism Task Force has ready for military use to bypass traffic during civil war. Cell phone towers can crank out high powered microwave radiation sufficient to effectively stun anyone within proximity where cell phones are functional.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Panamaniac Dred on 05/15/2015 at 2:16 PM

Re: “How NOT to Go Hiking

The collapsible water bowl industry is so angry right now.

8 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Bill Cernansky on 05/14/2015 at 2:40 PM

Re: “How to Hitchhike to Sauvie Island

(Er, 16 bus.)

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by voodoolily on 05/13/2015 at 8:44 PM

Re: “How to Hitchhike to Sauvie Island

Or you can just take the 17 bus and not worry about your headless corpse ending up in the Multnomah Channel.

3 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by voodoolily on 05/13/2015 at 8:42 PM

Re: “New In

Somali piratess-wear?

Captain Phillips says Good Grief!

0 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by i'mrightyourwrong on 05/11/2015 at 9:03 AM

Re: “On the Waterfront

The Willamette River actually became clean for about a year or two, back around the late '70s, or so if I recall correctly. Ladybird Johnson's, Beautify America campaign, and 'Don't Be A Litterbug' commercials and ads got people to eliminate litter for awhile, too. Then, when Californians and honored undocumented guest job seekers from South of the border, moved up, they just tossed trash in the streets.

0 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Panamaniac Dred on 05/06/2015 at 10:28 PM

Re: “On the Waterfront

This taken from the Willamette Riverkeeper website:

"The Willamette River is on the Clean Water Act 303 (d) list for violations of water quality standards including temperature, bacteria, and mercury. The Oregon Department of Environmental Quality sets standards and aims to regulate river pollution through its statewide permitting program. The river also has been impacted by localized pollution issues, from the Combined Sewer Overflows (CSOs) in the City of Portland when it rains too much..."

Have fun swimming in shit, dumbasses.

1 like, 1 dislike
Posted by David A. Pope on 05/06/2015 at 3:56 PM

Re: “On the Waterfront

Great Read.

1 like, 1 dislike
Posted by frankieb on 04/30/2015 at 7:30 PM

Re: “On the Waterfront

Mark your calendars for The Big Float V to celebrate our now swimmable river!

www.thebigfloat.com

PS great article

3 likes, 2 dislikes
Posted by Will Levenson on 04/30/2015 at 7:17 AM

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