I, Anonymous 

Art of the Pickup

To the rich gentleman who crept along next to me in his Mercedes convertible after midnight on a dimly lit side street: It was not rude of me to tell you that my name is none of your business. Yes, that's how I talk to rich and poor people alike, when they catcall and attempt to intimidate me while I'm alone. I did not want to share your giant can of weed, and was frightened when you told me that I was "so close to your house." What's rude is when men like you think that what you did is perfectly acceptable and even flattering behavior. It's belittling and aggressive and pretty much one of the least attractive things you can do. What did you expect? That someone a third of your size would be super pumped to get into a complete stranger's car and home to smoke whatever rape weed was in that can of yours? The next time you want the attention of a woman walking down the street, just shut the fuck up. It'll probably be the hottest thing you ever do.—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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