Paul Blart, Mall Cop 
Member since Feb 9, 2009

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I like to think of myself not as the "King of Queens," but as the "King of Malls."

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Currently

Protecting and serving.

Updated on February 9, 2009 at 4:36 PM

Recent Comments

Re: “Smoking Toddler Not Wearing Motorcycle Helmet!

Safety never takes a holiday.

Posted by Paul Blart, Mall Cop on 02/10/2009 at 12:33 PM

Re: “This Is Why I'm Fat?

Peanut butter... it fills the cracks of the heart.

Posted by Paul Blart, Mall Cop on 02/10/2009 at 10:00 AM

Re: “Lloyd Center Security Ops Manual Forbids Physical Force

Whoa, whoa! Calm down here, people. Let's not have an incident here, huh? Am I right? Heh. Who's with me? Alright!

Now, Carla, I'm gonna need you to settle down a little bit--deep breaths, deep breaths. In and out. Innnn and out.

And you, sir? Sir? You with the gibberish? Stop being all creepy and stalker-ish, please. I can and will give you a written warning. Do not tempt me to do so, sir.

A cat, you rule these comments with an iron fist. Or should I saw "iron paw"? Heh, heh--whoa, whoa! Just a little joke there, people. Just tryin' to keep things light, y'know? Ha! Because... cats... y'see.... they have... paws. Get it? Anyway! Sir, is it too much to ask that you show a bit of sympathy? As far as I can tell, your tone toward Miss Carla is unprovoked, sir.

Consider this your second warning, people, and enjoy the rest of your night. If anyone needs me, I'll be over by the Cinnabon!

Posted by Paul Blart, Mall Cop on 02/09/2009 at 6:57 PM

Re: “Lloyd Center Security Ops Manual Forbids Physical Force

Oh, COME ON, you guys. This is just getting ridiculous.

Posted by Paul Blart, Mall Cop on 02/09/2009 at 4:39 PM

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