"I wear that same outfit every single day and have never been raped. Maybe it's you."
"...we staple posters so you know what bands are coming..."
Nope. I know what bands are coming because I have some of that new-fangled intramanet stuff. The only time I notice band flyers is when they are three-month old soggy piles off shit sluffing off of a telephone pole on Hawthorne. What you do it a form of time-delayed littering at best. I'm glad you got your retarded vestments pilfered. Get a real job, your Radio flyer-dragging-Forrest-Gump-motherfucker you!
I'll take someone singing suggestive lyrics at me over someone trying to hit me with their car any day.
"Fred Armisen was at our restaurant and you said you didn’t know who he was, so he’s not a celebrity and gave him shitty looks."
I offered to help some chick get her kayak and gear down to the river, because she clearly couldn't do it by herself and she looked at me like I just offered to shave her butthole with a rusty tin can lid.
Learn how to walk.
A moving vehicle is the last place to be having an argument. One of the worst accidents I've ever been in was the direct result of an ex screaming in my ear while I was driving. Then again I was so sick of her by that point I might have ran that red light on purpose.
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