Well, in the 21 Valentine's Days I have existed on this planet, I have had exactly 0 Valentine's dates. To top it off I am an LMT at a spa that caters to couples treatments. While all the people I work on get all relaxed and enjoy brie and crackers, truffles, champagne and wine, I get worn out from trying to make their experience a happy one, even when they have bad B.O.. So after having worked five days in a row on top of school, and completing my umpteenth couples massage tomorrow night I would love to get a little wasted and have more than whatever I find lying in my fridge for dinner. Please have mercy on me. Oh, and if it matters to you at all, I am actually born and raised in Portland, and not a transplant like most of the people you run into around town these days.
As completely groady as that is, you kind of had it coming. Portland is crazy and kinky at the best and worst of times, and any item from a sex shop should have a basic inspection before leaving the store, freebie or otherwise. At least enough to ascertain the fact that it was taped shut. But thanks for the laughs as the scene played out in my head.
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