as I in my spirit burned, see, I now burn in thee
It's all good! Most people have had some experience with depression, whether they love someone who suffers from it, or have experienced it themselves. What the LW did, & what others that i have dated have done, is not a bad thing. For someone who is experiencing temporary depression, that is. All of those things can be incredibly beneficial. And if what someone is experiencing is a mild, temporary low, having someone motivate you & try to push you out of that state & into a higher one, can be really good.
i was coming from a different perspective, though. i am almost 40 yrs. old & have struggled with this for decades. i have fought hard! But, i finally have had to accept my diagnosis ~ i suffer from major, clinical depression & severe PTSD. I spent years denying that & fighting against it. Trying to force myself to do all of those wonderful things ~ & then beating myself up when i couldn't. For me, it isn't about choosing my illness over a relationship. But the truth is, even though i am in a LTR, i feel an immense amount of pressure to be healthier than i am really capable of. i am fortunate to be with someone who has had his own experiences with depression, but i still get the constant speech that i just need to "be strong & fight through it". i'm tired of fighting. i am at an age where accepting who i am is the healthiest, most empowering thing that i can do. And having other people, whether it is a partner or a family member or a friend, always telling me what i am doing wrong, just makes me feel like shit about something that i didn't ask for & certainly don't want.
That does not, however, mean that i am sitting complacently by waiting to die. i am doing the best that i can to help myself. i am in counseling & on med's. i strive to do the little things ( like yoga in the morning ) to help to build myself up. And while i know that i will never be free of this, i am learning to ride with it, not fight it. And if someone else can't allow me to be who i am, can't allow me to manage my illness in my own way & in my own time, they have no place in my life. No matter how well meaning they may be.
And the sad reality is that, i didn't do this to myself. i have a very long & painful history of physical & sexual abuse. Some truly bad shit has happened. i have been hospitalized multiple times for suicide attempts ( because, i fail!). That isn't my fault, & i don't sit around blaming anyone. But, i do try to be conscious about who i have in my life. Because i already feel bad enough for being so fucked up, i certainly don't want to put my issues on anyone else, or to deal with the guilt of hurting or letting others down.
As a funny aside ~ the most ridiculous relationship i ever had was with someone who had severe ADHD. He was bouncing off the walls, while i was virtually comatose. That one did NOT work.
Anyways, please don't blame yourself for what happened with your relationship. It doesn't sound like he "chose" his illness over you. It sounds like he realized that he couldn't get better for you. There is a difference. And it also sounds like you did the right thing, for him & for yourself, by going. ( Sorry, i don't know why i just assumed that you were a woman dating a man. No offense intended if that isn't the case ). i hope that you find healing & peace.
Btw~ The Mercury comment section is really empty & lame. Go check out the response to this on The Stranger. People actually talk there. Cheers.
Seriously? This thread is just embarrassing.
This is cool.
i support this gripe. And, as stated above, please folks, get a clue that, like a road, there are lanes. The aisle does not belong to you & the 10 people you chose to bring shopping with you.
This is what I,A has come to? Complaining about people who pull their hair out of their face? Geeze, i thought dog poop, traffic & bikes were bad. This has just gotten silly.
And just to give a little comparison here ~ imagine it's 3 o'clock in the morning, you are in a deep sleep. Your partner or friend comes & wakes you up, full of energy & wanting to have herbal tea, do yoga & go for a hike in the woods. This is how it feels when normal people try to push their well meaning, healthy plans & ideas on people who suffer from Depression. It's like " What the fuck are you talking about? Go away. i'm sleeping."
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