I love greeting cards and if I knew where you lived I'd send you a $9 greeting card AND bill you for it! Guess that'll show you!
Thank you, Consumer Slut Sleuth, for devoting valuable lab-whore-atory time and resources to the quest for the perfect condom. I've been using Trojans (the name sounds sexy, not sinister, from this side of the gender aisle) since I was 20. That is now almost 500 years ago. Trojans are always available (for the reasons you cite), they're cheap, they're lubricated, and in all these years of use I remember very few fails (fortunately, not epic fails) of the latex. I've occasionally had sex without a Trojan, but it feels wrong. Trojans to me ARE sex, but now that I've reviewed your research, I'm going to swing out and try these other brands. (BTW, if I approached my dog with my hand wrapped inside a condom, he'd freak.)
Thank God I don't have to give a fuck about Barry Goldwater all day. But I do have to give a fuck about fluoride all day. Hey, what have you done? Now my wife says "That shit needs a sidecar" whenever I say something profound. She also says I should be more ambitious like you. Curse you, Ian! You win again....BTW, you learned Hebrew in 1997, I learned Hebrew in 1967. I can tell you right now that that shit is not going to stick.
This week I'm embarrassed because I'm the guy who plays Johnny Cash so loud. Also, I was a plucky Connecticut businesswoman before the surgery. Anyway, my wife and I thought this one was so funny that we read it to the neighbors until they locked themselves indoors with their overrated Rat Pack movies. Stay high, Ian, you're the best!
Dearest Ian: I love speed chess and I haven't lost one goddamn bit of my comedy skills. I hope a hippo eats you, but only after it eats about 900 pounds of kale. What this world needs is fewer Mercury writers and more people who can win a game of chess in less than 5 minutes. Shitbird. With fondest regards, Number 6
Seems like I never read about fluoridation anymore.
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