shaking the crime stick
Meh. I can count the bands I've sort-of-cared-about-seeing at the past few MFNWs on one hand. Cumulatively. This changes nothing, and the same asshole johnny-come-latelys who've finally caught on to that one band you saw at Rotture / East End / Dantes 2 or 3 years ago will still get their fix of mini-Coachella-style group affirmation when the same band, now signed to Sub Pop or Matador or some other pseudo-indie relic of a label from the 1980s, plays MFNW. Music festivals are for the weakest-minded, lowest common denominator and these fuckers love $9 beers. Suck it down, pricks. I'll be watching much better music on the other side of town.
Let me guess, you're vegetarian because you think that by doing so you can save some poor tortured animal from its unfortunate meeting with a bolt gun. Well, I hate to break it to you, but Foster Farms snaps that chicken's neck regardless of whether or not some delusional adult-child in Portland orders soup or not. The only thing your purchase determines is whether or not a portion of food gets tossed in the dumpster come closing time.
You can't save the world, but at least you can fill your belly-- you spoiled, ineffectual first-world crybaby.
Hey bartender, get over yourself. You pour drinks for a living and you can't even get drunk while you do it. It's essentially the same as working the register at McDonald's-- except you're wearing a low-cut shirt and the Muzak's louder.
Shut the fuck up and serve your customers already. If you don't like your job, go back to school and get a grown-up one.
Ugh, anyone posting about their "swollen nipples" on my Facebook would be automatically defriended. That's fucking gross and nobody wants to hear about it, thanks.
Those Scientologists seem to have it all figured out, don't they?
I work up at the other end of the CEID by the Burnside Bridge and the parking situation is getting more fucked by the day. Used to be that if you parked on 3rd / Couch just north of the bridge, nobody gave a shit. Now there's two new fancypants "creative space" buildings opening up and it's about to unleash a shitstorm of Creative Classers trying to park their Audis everywhere. It was already so bad that the fruit packing company leased a lot for their employees last year. This whole area is going to be a parking clusterfuck as the city and their developer buddies push hard for the "Produce Row" rebrand and eventually make Pearl District II. Boo.
For Thanksgiving, all my best bike polo buds got together and held a competition to see whose beard lice could jump the furthest. Didn't take long to realize that all our lice are the same-- we're practically family. Only by moving cross country to such a progressive city like Portland could we realize our dreams of wearing flannel, washing dishes for a living and most importantly, cultivating our facial hair. But mostly I'm thankful for Pabst trucker hats
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