Hey...FYI...for those that ranked on me from previous posts, I am not Todd Mecklam. Thanks!
The kombucha that you drank only approximates the real shit. It's like eating kimchi in the local Korean restaurant compared to eating the authentic, buried-in-the-ground-for-6-months, still fermenting when you eat it, nastiness that you get IN Korea. (As an aside, I vomited right there in the restaurant when I ate it!) No, Ian, your first thoughts were closer to the real taste of 'authentic' kombucha. Wait until July or August, take an empty bottle to the bottle-return machine, fill it up and enjoy the real kombucha. The real shit is NASTY! I have a whole list of nasty shit you can eat....durian, stinky tofu, real fish sauce (made from anchovy fish guts), balut (a fertilized duck egg with a visible baby duck inside that's hard-boiled), etc.
Allenink...I have read all YOUR comments. This one fits in flawlessly. Allenink meet Austin. You two will get along fabulously!
There's my medication. Shit!
First, a shout out to those 14 people who decided to read what I said and liked/disliked it. You tweeks trying to lash out at me obviously have not engendered or enraged people enough to get the to click the mouse for you.
@ Geyser, Polonius was an old fart, a wise one, but still an old fart, who rambled for a paragraph before uttering that famous line. He then went on to repeat that Hamlet was mad 3 or 4 times. I know the Cliff Notes or Google version probably doesn't talk about that.
My handle Stewie has nothing to do with Family Guy. I have actually never watched the show. I'm a South Park kind of guy. At an earlier age, 20 or 30 years ago, I like to drink. And drink I did. But I never seemed to get drunk. According to a friend, I just 'stewed.' Happily, I might add. Hence, Stewie. It stuck; I like it.
I am bummed you didn't tell me to move if I didn't like Portland. I am glad you didn't because I already have and I would have chided you about that. I like it far better where I am and Portland has many many faults to rail about.
@ human in training. You are right. I am on a computer that Grace Hopper used to program COBOL with. Google Grace Hopper, I'll wait............My accent aigu key doesn't work and words like expose, regime and especially, creme brulee, keep getting people angry at me and writing shit about my bad spelling. Look at that, I ended a sentence with a fucking preposition!
@ Austin - I am published. So fuck you for not asking first! That was wrong. I'm sorry. Next time please ask first....something like...Oh..and I suppose you're published?!?!?!
@ Ian - I did read the whole article and others you wrote. I particularly liked "The Milkmother's Policeman's Gun Club's Detective Agency and Cribbage Club" although I think the cribbage club part was a tad unnecessary. The first part was funny enough. Cambodia is not a nice place to visit, let alone move to. Kvetchmas - funny!
After reading your article Ian, I can see why Portland State University wants you to pay back the money you borrowed for tuition. More than likely their reasoning is that once the loan is paid in full, they can reasonably deny ever having you as a student. Expletives aside, although I do appreciate your liberal dispersal of them throughout your article, the ability that you display in expressing yourself isn't really college level. And when you say 'your money' I dearly hope that the Portland Mercury isn't giving you this money for writing article like this. Hopefully, you are just a worker outside the Mercury offices working at one of those food vending carts who submits the occasional witty written reparte that they spend the next 40 hours correcting and editing to have something to fill the pages. The food at most of those places is tasty, not to mention worthy of 'college level' food reviews. If they are, then it is true - Portland is the black hole of intelligence sucking the entire US into last place on a list of uneducated countries we don't even want to be on. And, so others who may chose to carry the burden of my words and accost me verbally - which I enjoy - in return for my gift to you here, let me sight some examples. 'Only ever' means absolutely nothing, even when you choose to use it with 'never ever' as some sort of poetic license. License revoked. That, in turn, was followed up with 'all the kind'. I know the words are English words but assemble together and trying to consider their meaning I really am beginning to understand "Portland." And lastly, whether you believe Shakespeare to have written all the words attributed to him or not, Othello has more implications on getting a job than you will ever be able to understand - as you so eloquently hinted at and is entirely obvious in reading your article. Perhaps 'WritingAsShit' might be a better title for your column.
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