the more I read these thoughtful comments the more I think this is a mid-movement issue. The sex positive movement came to consciousness and women were like "yay! I can have sex without having to feel ashamed!" and dudes were like "Yay! Portland women have flooded the market with easily accessible pussy!" as a previous commenter so tactfully noted. But the original ideology included the message that we should come at this with self love, respect, and communication. I'm not seeing this part happening. I see older more mature people sharing open sexual relationships with a different attitude, one where every sexual partner is treated with love and special attention. I think this is what sex positivity was meant to be, and hopefully in time we will navigate back to this.
i really do think it's a communication issue, I'm connecting with what "youdon'tknowme" wrote. sex positivity is great and has liberated us from the previous oppressive model of HAVING to date if we want to get laid. There have been plenty of times where I wanted to be single for a while but also wanted some physical contact. But communication is difficult, especially for women. It's really uncomfortable and actually socially unacceptable to state your relationship expectations right away. But do we really have to follow the age old female-oriented advice of making them wait for it in order to have the option of exploring a relationship? sigh.
and @Doogie, not sure if you're body shaming comment was tongue in cheek, but thanks for bringing it up. I have a beautiful body personally, and yes. it is fat. Does that preclude me from respect? Sex? hmmmmm....
to the dude, I'm saying a girl probably IS being honest if she says she can remain unattached, but if you keep sniffing around for months the honest truth is that attachment might happen, so if you're not interested in an emotional investment then hit it and move on. I wrote this I, anonymous article and the point was that whoever is looking for the least should be the most upfront, and in all other cases it should be assumed that if someone is fucking you they are interested in getting to know you and seeing where it goes. And if your one night stand turns into a months long thing then a lady might find herself wanting more after all, in which case we should be able to talk about it and express our changing needs without the whole "clingy needy" bullshit that gets put on us.
for the dude who expressed his frustration with women who say they're down but then want more...
I think that no matter what someone agrees too when the initial sex happens, you need to count on some feelings developing if you let the "casual sex" continue for more than a couple encounters. fair or not, this is how it works with humans (well, females, not to be gender biased). Also, yes to direct communication, which means you can't just say "I'm not looking for anything serious when you really mean, I only want to spend time with you if that time is spent fucking. and then I leave. and we don't hang out. Non-serious relationships mean different things to different people. Some females might agree but think it means, we'll hang out and date a little but not worry about marriage or monogamy.
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