Poverty is the leading cause of caries in children. And Oregon, outside of Multnomah County, is a very poor state. Evidence of this is the fact that Oregon is in the top three nationwide for percentage of adults receiving food stamp assistance. A lack of access to dental health care is the leading cause of caries in children in Oregon. And families too poor to even buy toothpaste. Privatization, while guaranteeing the poisoning of our water, will not lower caries in children in Multnomah County. It will raise your water bill by a significant percentage, however. Will we be drinking a blend of Willamette River toxic sludge and Bull Run? Who knows. It's privately owned! It's amazing (not) that the Mercury continues to insult the intelligence of its readers by skewering statistics, all the while forgetting that the measure failed by a landslide. Furthermore, the winning side was outspent three to one, in addition to having the three idiot sons—The Merc, Willy Week (sic), and the Big O, all lined up (with cash in their greedy hands) spilling toxic lies about this issue and shouting YES! to fluoridation.
Talk about stupid. Dumb. You lost. You're wrong. And the fluorosilicate acid to be laced into our drinking water is (fact!) a toxic byproduct of the aluminum and phosphate industries and not the benign sodium fluoride found in toothpaste, or that the dentist puts on your teeth. Which is still, (read the label) carrying the warning to call poison control if swallowed? And that's the good kind of fluoride which is a salt, not the horrific sludge being dumped into municipal water supplies. There are literally hundreds of scientists, doctors, dentists, even statements by Fed employees at the FDA who have all come out vehemently against municipal water fluoridation. The State of Oregon itself moved to issue a warning in municipalities that fluoridate, included on the water bill, not to be used for infant formula. Why is that? Because it's benign and harmless?
You and your fellows are gifted at drinking at cheap bars and eating off of food carts. Stick to writing about what you know. Leave the heavy thinking for the adults. You're a dinosaur, anyway.
The Top 20 Articles, sort of, to run in your Weekly Shopper, masquerading as a newspaper (for idiots).
1. Wait. We had a thought about something? Where’s my phone?!, assholes.
2. Let’s write shit about celebutards ‘cause it makes us laugh real hard.
3. Hey, this band is cool, so, check ‘em out, ‘cause we know stuff.
4. Hey, this event sounds fabulous, and they bought some ad space, so go and give them your money.
5. We will make fun of stoopid, fawking hippies now.
6. Hey, we like this shit ‘cause we got paid by (advertisers, clubs, promoters, record labels, Healthy Kids Campaign, etc) to say so.
7. My asshole likes food. Does yours?
8. Hey, look, it’s on the Tee-Vee.
9. I read a book once. Did you?
10. We got comped at this restaurant, and their food soaks up the booze good after we got done binging for the night, so spend your dough here (and they bought an ad!).
11. I am Steven Humpy, and I have been mining the hopelessly retarded Caveman Chic vein for twenty years and two newspapers…I think, if I can still count that high. So, worship me, fools!
12. Booze is the only answer. Now, what was the question?
13. We think sometimes. You should too. We think.
14. Is this fashionable, or does it just look good on account of the ad revenue?
15. Our accountant thinks we’re funny. You should too.
16. We spent all our Healthy Kids Campaign money on beer, shoes, and fixing our shitty cars. Now we feel sick. Wait, let’s go beat up some hippies some more—just with our words, man.
17. Doe this sentence make me look fat?
18. I’ve got a new thought. Now what?
19. My mangina itches from a bad case of coolmedia. God, I am awesome. Scratch. Sniff. Wow!
20. We ran a bunch of letters. Some we made up ‘cause we’re geniuses. And it filled a few pages-worth. So there!
Yet another reason why I don't read the Merc, and haven't for about five years...the piece isn't funny, isn't clever, and certainly doesn't inform. Is it satire, comedic, editorial, rant?...Who knows. Could we get any more dumbed down? God, I fucking hope not...
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