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Re: “State by State: The Contest!”
As a native Arkansan, I have plenty of experience of being drunk in public, both in city streets as well as open fields.
To this end, when I am made VP, home stills will be made legal, except in those counties identified as Baptist. In those cases, stills will only be allowed to continue to operate hidden in the minister's wood shed.
Additionally, the presence of massive man-made lakes featured on the professional fishing circuit in my home state have granted me the opportunity to hone my skills at dropping a deuce over the side of a bassboat without fouling the Evinrude.
With one foot planted firmly in the traditions of a Old White Drunken debauchery that the Kennedys have long forsaken, my other foot is pointed towards the web-toed future of a nation that will use all of our advanced weaponry to ensure that Jimmy Buffett and his fans are contained and will no longer spread to infect our youth.
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