It's actually better than I thought it would be... of course, I went into it with zero expectations. So there ya go. The song "Scumbag Blues" is pretty good—I love Homme's falsetto, Jones' basslines are Zeppelin-esque, and Grohl kindly gets his Bonham on.

So what's next? A tour, of course. The Vultures will swoop into the Roseland Theater on Sunday to indulge in the bluesy jams inspired by that one band Jones used to play.

LISTEN:

Them Crooked Vultures - "Scumbag Blues"

"Chomsky, Rodents" is a fictionalized anecdote about a real-life episode when my husband ran into Noam Chomsky in a town dump on Cape Cod and Chomsky was trying to give away a gerbil cage. It's a lot about mothers too, women and men and parenting, so though I'm not much of a Sinead O' Connor fan in general I think I'd recommend "Emma's Song" to go with it.

The Chomsky story is particularly good.

• Nilina Mason-Campbell

In their first show since canceling their nationwide tour with Le Loup, the Nurses boys will be performing a rare instore at the NE location of Everyday Music.

Located on the picturesque stretch of hooker territory that is NE Sandy Blvd—and mere feet from the Mercury offices (we came here for the hookers)—Everyday will be hosting their second instore as of late, the first being a July show from the Builders and the Butchers. Nurses will be playing the Rock/Pop aisle of the store on Friday, December 11th at 6pm. It is all-ages, free, and there will be tasty snacks provided by our fellow Sandy Blvd neighbor, Voodoo Dougnuts.

What're you seeing this weekend? HERE ARE YOUR OPTIONS:

The Twilight Saga: New Moon: I suspect that whoever came up with the title for this is also the person who came up with the name Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. They should not be allowed to title things.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Saphire: Mo'nique's latest fun-filled comedy!

Black Dynamite: It's no Pootie Tang.

The Yes Men Fix the World: Jackass for the NPR set!

The Blind Side: In which Sandra Bulluck takes some time off from making crappy romantic comedies to solve that pesky race problem.

Planet 51: By my count, this is the third film that has united the Rock and Seann William Scott. You're probably better off renting one of the other two. Just saying.

Also, it's a surprisingly strong week in terms of older films playing at different spots around town, usually for cheap or for free:

• The always-beautiful Magnolia is at the Press Club (2621 SE Clinton) on Sunday at 8 (free).

• Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love (also beautiful!) is at the Fifth Avenue Cinema (510 SW Hall) this weekend.

• Best in Show and This is Spinal Tap make for a Christopher Guest-tastic double feature at Boxxes (1035 SW Stark) on Monday (Show at 8:30, Spinal Tap at 10:30, free).

• Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan used to be, indisputably, the best Star Trek movie ever—until J.J. Abrams' Star Trek came along, making that whole nerd debate infinitely more complicated and annoying. Anyway, Khan is at Pix Patisserie (3901 N Williams) on Monday at 8:30 (free).

• Michael Mann's Heat, which is probably one of my top-ten favorites, is at the Laurelhurst through Wednesday.

More, as always, in our Film Shorts and Movie Times.

• Chart from the OkCupid blog

Also, if you're a dude, you should apologize for being so awkward. And if you're into God, well, you can pretty much forget it.

So why don't you put this helpful info to use and hop on over to the Mercury Lovelab? I feel fairly confident saying that there are vegetarian zombies galore on that thing.

• FISH (RIGHT) WITH (GOING LEFT) COUNTY COMMISSIONER DEBORAH KAFOURY, TPI EMPLOYEE ELVYSS ARGUETA, TPI EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR DOREEN BINDER, AND MAYOR SAM ADAMS

Fish inherited the Resource Access Center project from former City Commissioner Erik Sten, when Sten left town midway through his term in early 2008. Sten told the Mercury in 2007 that the center would be open by now, so the groundbreaking is two years late, but to give Fish credit, he had to settle an unforeseen lawsuit, in the mean time.

The new shelter will have a shelter for 90 people "whose prior address was the cold and mean streets of the city," said Fish. There will also be supported housing and services for 130 more. It will also provide 125 jobs, and make a difference to "our triple bottom line," Fish said—saving public resources (research shows it's cheaper for governments to house people), saving natural resources (it's going to be Leed Platinum, dahhling), and "literally, saving lives."

• VOODOO'S COMMEMORATIVE "GROUNDBREAKER" DOUGHNUT

Fish thanked an inordinate number of people this morning, from Housing Authority of Portland project manager Mike Andrews to Transition Projects Inc. director Doreen Binder—TPI will run the center, and Binder "is a treasure in our community," Fish said—to the lady from Wells Fargo who cut the check. But of course, the best politicians know how to give others credit for their own achievements, and it was left to some bloke in the background to finally credit Fish for the success:

"This is one of the toughest projects that has ever been attempted in my however long I've been doing this," said Mayor Sam Adams. "The person who brought this project home was newly elected, he was new to the job, he came in to budget cuts, and not only had some very difficult bureaus to manage, but an unrelated lawsuit that mangled up and delayed this project."

• T-SHIRT: $20

The ceremony was attended by many of the city's luminaries, including City Commissioner Amanda Fritz, Central Precinct Commander Mike Reese, District Attorney Mike Schrunk, County Chair Ted Wheeler, as well as plenty of folks who will actually be using the services when the center opens in 18 months. It took place in a marquee—"I'm sure we'll get criticized for spending money on the tent," Fish said, and there was even a fake pile of ground to be broken for the picture.

The $46.8million project is receiving $34million in Tax Increment Financing from the Portland Development Commission. Two percent of the $46.8million will be spent on art—to be commissioned by Eloise Damrosch, executive director of the Regional Arts and Culture Council.

"This is our day," Fish concluded. "This is our time. And people throughout Portland are counting on us to seize this moment."

CoughREELECTIONSPEECHcough. Cough.

The amendment "Sunset the Columbia River Crossing Project by September 1, 2011" (pdf) proposes that the Metro Council's 2008 vote supporting the $2.6-$3.6 billion bridge project expire in 2011 if the project has not secured local, state and federal funds. Metro's straw poll vote on the amendment at the meeting showed overwhelming support for the idea: six thumbs up and Rex Burkholder's thumb sideways.

The notes from the meeting are revealing:

(1) What was the purpose of the amendment; to kill the project by subterfuge or to force a realistic assessment of the prospects for funding the project and the tradeoffs it would require to not advance other projects? For most of the Councilors the answer was the latter.

...

(3) What would be the legal impact of the amendment, near term? Might the amendment have an unintended consequence? Staff could give no clear answer to that question. Staff did note that there was a precedent for removing a major highway project from the [Regional Transportation Plan] after it had been approved, the Mt. Hood Freeway.

(4) What would be the political impact of the amendment? Would it compromise the agency or region’s ability to secure Federal funding for the project? Different Councilors had different perspectives on this issue.

(5) Why was this amendment appropriate now coming 14 months after the project had been endorsed by the Metro Council? The subsequent events that some Councilors found persuasive in this regard were the failure of the Oregon Legislature to identify funding for the project, despite earmarks for other large highway projects; critical statements made by Congressman DeFazio and Baird and the recent mayoral election in Vancouver.

After listening to the CRC staff pitch their slimmed-down 10-lane bridge to state legislators yesterday, Environment Oregon's Brock Howell noted that having Metro's support for the bridge project sunset in 2011 would effectively kill the project. Howell says the funding timelines for the bridge looking grim. Here's why: to get a lot of the federal funding on board, the CRC needs to have its light rail funds secured. But funding for light rail will come from a Vanouver area sales tax, which Vancouverites will vote on in 2011 at the earliest, though the vote could be pushed to 2013 or 2014.

If the project doesn't have the light rail funding in the bag by 2011, it can't get the federal funds in the bag by 2011 and the expiration of Metro's support would send the project back to the drawing board.

The Council decided to table the amendment for now, but will bring it up at the CRC bigwig's Project Sponsor's Council meeting in two weeks.

Well, that was much better than this song:

Colin Meloy - "Dracula's Daughter" (Live)

Now I understand that times are tough and jail officials estimate the change to postcards-only could save the system $30,000 a year in time spent opening mail looking for contraband. But I think the humanity and compassion of letting inmates communicate at length with their friends and families on the outside is worth at least 30 grand. Are inmates' spouses supposed to condense all of their thoughts onto a tiny postcard? How are they going to send photos of kids and grandkids? All communication will now take place on "standardized pre-stamped 3.5-by-8.5-inch postcards featuring a photo of the jail."

Hell, even the Geneva Conventions spells out the importance of prisoners of war being able to receive mail. And some of the people affected by the policy in Marion County jail are just awaiting trial, they haven't been convicted yet.

From the article:

"We think that it is a bad policy if it is going to limit the way the inmates are going to be able to communicate with their families in a meaningful way," said Jann Carson, associate director of the ACLU of Oregon.

Carson was not familiar with the Marion County jail's plans but spoke generally of the importance of communication between inmates and family.

"One of the best ways that we make ex-convicts reintegrate is keeping those ties to families while they are incarcerated," Carson said. "If this policy is going to make that more difficult, that is troubling."

Timothy Jones, 47, is serving a sentence in the jail for a probation violation.

"I don't know what you can say on a 3-by-8," Jones said. "Some of us got kids and other things that we need to discuss with our families." ... As an inmate, Jones doesn't know that he has the resources to fight back. When asked if the policy is fair, Jones seemed indifferent.

"I'm incarcerated; what is fair?" he said. "I think it is more unfair to our families."

I hope the ACLU fights this one.

Via Mike Russell. You're welcome.

Email me with "Shenanigans" in the subject line by 3 pm today for a pistol-whipping chance to win a pair of tickets.

Workroom719 is a temporary shop/studio/artist collaborative occupying a vacant storefront (the former See's Candy Shop) right in the heart of the commercial district in SW Portland, OR. I have chosen a selection of work by other artists, designers and craftspeople to accompany my clothing line, Charles & Victoria. Please join us all this Saturday, November 21st, 11-7pm for the Grand Opening to view the shop, talk to the artists and have a glass of wine. We will be here all day but the wine is in the afternoon, 5-7pm.

Featured Artists:
Abra Ancliffe - artist prints
Jayson Wynkoop - artist prints
Scarlet Chamberlin - jewelry
Suzy Root - B-ings (animals)
Chelsea Heffner - plainMade retail (bags and scarves)
Rachel Ancliffe - Charles & Victoria clothing
Larry Olmstead - Entermodal bags
Halo Shoes - special shoe delivery
Eva Wylie - artist prints

Location:
719 SW Morrison St
Portland, OR 97205
503.793.8932

And check this out, too!

There are two promotions this Saturday (same day as Grand Opening) that you should know about:
1) American Express is giving out $50 gift cards to anyone that purchases items downtown with a value over $50! And, the redemption location is in my store. So, if you purchase over $50 worth of goodies in Downtown this Saturday, you can get a $50 gift card for free! There is a small catch; they will be giving away gift cards between 1-3pm and they are only while supplies last.
2) Parking Amnesty this Saturday - All Day! This Saturday only and only in Smart Park facilities downtown. Again a small catch; you have to get in between 10:30 am and noon. Obviously, this is only while there are spaces available. How long do you get to park for free? All-Day-Long!

• Chelsea Heffner Felt Bags available at Workroom 719

This is what the booty looks like so far:

I would love to double this amount as we head into the weekend. To help that happen, I'm offering a special perk to the first person to drop-off a grocery bag of food today: Not only will you be entered in the drawing for the two awesome cookbooks, and receive a receipt to exchange for a free sake shot at Tanuki, but you'll also receive these very special collectible Fantastic Mr. Fox promotional recipe cards that include a recipe for Turkey Stuffed with Chestnuts and Prunes!

How awesome is that?

Remember that if you can't get in to the Merc today to drop off food, the fine folks at Tanuki [413 NW 21st] have kindly offered to be our after-hours drop-off point. The free sake shot for food donation will remain in play until Saturday night.

Hat tips to Radio Exile!

But this morning, when I watched Catherine Schon of Sassafras Catering make pie crust by hand in a video produced by Cooking Up a Story, I felt like a kid watching a magic trick. She turns the dry ingredients into a pie crust with such ease and speed it’s completely mystifying. The difference, of course, between Schon and a magician is that she’s actually telling you how the trick is done while she’s performing it, which makes the whole thing that much more magical.

Pie crust is one of those things where people either say it’s the hardest thing to do, or that it’s really simple. Whichever camp you're in, Schon presents some tips that will likely ease the pie-making process no matter who you are:

Good lord, last night's MarchFourth Marching Band release show for Rise Up looks like the greatest event ever. Just look at the kid, stopped dead in his tracks, he'll be talking about this show in therapy a decade from now.

Since we have no way of publishing that poor kid's nightmares—yet—we have to rely on these fantastic photos from Candice Harbour. Enjoy.

Jobs Jobs... Jobs? Watchdog group points out stimulus jobs were claimed in congressional districts that don't exist, among other embarrassing errors.

Catholics vs. Obama: Catholic bishops are none too happy with Mr. President for his pro-choice stance on the healthcare bill. A national day of action against the anti-abortion Stupak amendment is on December 2nd.

Cannabis College: Detroit opens school for aspiring medical marijuana horticulturalists.

Dirty Government: Washington DC has the highest STD rate in the country.

Secret Prisons: Are there secret CIA black sites in Lithuania?

King of the Underworld! Michael Jackson makes a miraculous appearance in someone's ultrasound:

Abstinence Porn: Twilight's New Moon opened last night, allowing ecstatic crowds to squeal and Newsweek to run probably the worst lead sentence in the history of writing: "Like vampires, culture wars never die, but like werewolves, they sometimes change shape."

Purse Snatchers: Police bust West Linn designer purse rip-off ring.

WOOOLLLVES!: Video shows wolves are back in Eastern Oregon.

We kill a lot of time around these parts partaking in the seedy exposed underbelly of Portland's finest strip clubs. That said, there is no better way to express our deep moral depravity than a week-long series of songs dedicated to such businesses. So every day this week we will post a song in tribute to Portland's nudiest of nude revues.

We have reached the glorious end of our strip club series, and speaking of glorious ends... Three Sisters Tavern. Sadly this SW institution of stiff drinks and stiffer male dancers closed its doors a few years back, but its legacy of jiggling beefcakes will always remain with us.

LISTEN:

Jim Carroll - "Three Sisters"

R.I.P. Jim Carroll
R.I.P. Three Sisters Tavern

Consider this the Multiplicity of music videos. What starts with just another night of watching Watch Dancing With the Stars, turns into the oddest band practice ever (times four), a session of drawing straws, and a traumatic incident with a rubber glove. Make that a very traumatic incident.

Matthew Ross directed this video for "Cuffs Off," which is the first single from Ghosties' new four song EP. Which you can buy right here, because looks like someone needs some new rubber gloves. Ewwwwwww.

The action has outraged the Portland Police Association, whose president, Scott Westerman, stood in front of 37 fellow cops outside the Justice Center on SW 2nd, to protest against Saltzman for "trying to be the police chief."

"When the Police Association first heard about this, the idea was to remove Officer Humphreys from the street, but Saltzman overrode that," Westerman told the media this afternoon. "With no police experience, he overrode a 25-year bureau veteran and ordered the suspension of Officer Humphreys."

• WESTERMAN: OUTRAGED ON BEHALF OF THE POLICE UNION

Saltzman has declined comment on the move, personally, instead, leaving Police Chief Rosie Sizer to read from a written statement on the 15th floor of the police bureau this afternoon. Sizer also released video of the incident to reporters.

"After reviewing the video," she said, "I am troubled by it. Officer Humphreys has been placed on administrative leave and I have directed the Internal Affairs Division to conduct an immediate and full investigation into whether the use of force was justified under the totality of circumstances and whether the application of the beanbag at close range was consistent with the bureau's training." Full details on this story, including video of the incident, after the jump.

Here are the deets!

Your story could include, but is not limited to…
• Family fistfights!
• Unsavory romantic interludes!
• Embarrassing announcements!
• Drunken debauchery!
• Gluttonous explosions!
• Near-death experiences!
• House fires and/or skin burns!
• Or… you know… whatever!

The most readable essays will be printed in the Mercury’s “Worst Thanksgiving EVER!” issue on Nov 26, with the best entry receiving $200!
Send your entries via email to me, with “Worst Thanksgiving Ever Essay Contest” in the subject line, and be sure to include your name and daytime phone number. ALL ENTRIES SHOULD BE 500 WORDS OR LESS, AND ARE DUE NO LATER THAN NOON, FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20! (That's tomorrow, yo.)

• That is one ugly ass turkey.

This week Cary Clarke talked to Meth Teeth about all sorts of things, but to make room for the escort ads that pay for this paper to stay in business, we had to cut much of the lengthy interview.

But thanks to the limitless territory that is the internet, here is the interview in its entirety. Frontman Mattey Hunter candidly discusses the band's beginnings, the Sub Pop Loser scholarship, Woodsist, and all sorts of other interesting topics. It's a great read.

Ruling the Thanksgiving table with a well-prepared side-dish. That’s what the holiday is all about. And, sure, “thankfulness.” But everybody is thankful when the slop brought to the feast is delicious.

While putting this week's food feature together, there were a few recipes I was unable to include. The first comes from Chef Robert Reynolds, who learned the dish from Madeleine Kamman. When he described it to me over the phone, I was very intrigued. It’s a tricky, playful, two-part dish that combines potatoes wrapped in chard leaves with sautéed pairs. The pears are nestled together with the wrapped potatoes and cause a bit of surprise when guests mistake the pear for the potato and vice versa.

POTATO PACKETS WITH SAUTEED PEARS

8 swiss chard leaves
Lemon juice
6 tbsp flour
2 onions finely chopped
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
4 baked potatoes, hot from the oven
Salt, pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
Grated nutmeg
4 ounces fresh goat cheese

2 Bartlett pears, under ripe
flour for dusting
2 tablespoons unsalted butter for sauteing
2 tablespoons honey
pinch of quatre epices (mixture of peppercorn, nutmeg, clove, ginger)
1/3 cup golden raisins

Blanch the leaves quickly. Refresh under cold water and set aside. Add lemon juice to the same water and blanch the chard ribs. Remove and set aside.

Sauté onions in 2 tablespoons butter till soft, then add chard stems. Remove pulp from baked potatoes. Rice potatoes over onions. Add a bit of butter, salt and pepper. Add garlic, nutmeg and finally cheese; mix well. Stuff egg sized lumps of potato into chard leaves, and wrap into a small packet. Dust pears with flour, and sauté in butter till golden. Present potato packets with sautéed pears, finish with quatre epices, honey, and raisins. Serve hot.