A Bright Idea 

Christmas lights up still? Seriously? I cut some of you slack all through January because it's still holiday-ish and I don't want to seem like a Scrooge. I thought that by the end of February, surely they would be down. By the way, I'm not talking to the lazy people who leave them up year-round without turning them on to save the trouble next year—you I can relate to. But you motherfuckers who have your goddamned lights up and ON every night?! The trees are blooming. Take your fucking lights down. I don't care if you think you're being "ironic" or quirky, or following the whim of your spirit by creating a clever new lighting system around your house. It's inappropriate and stupid and I'm sick of it, and I am about to go door to door to let every last one of you know that it's way, way past the time to take the lights down. Santa ain't comin'.—Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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