WE'VE ALL SEEN those books in the sale bin at the bookstore: 1,001 Places to Visit in Your Lifetime. 888 Books to Read While You Still Can. 733 Sexual Techniques to Try Before You Die (Plus 1 More That May Actually Kill You). Well, time's up! It'll be impossible to put a crack in any of those lists now, so here's a handy list of some things that are actually achievable to do before it's all over.
1. It's too late to book a skydiving trip now. What's the next best way to go from an incredible high to an incredible low, with hot wind whooshing past your face so loudly you can't think straight? That's right: Call your mother. It's the emotional roller-coaster ride that will make sure your feelings are as feelings-y as possible as existence draws to a close.
2. Wanted to climb the Himalayas or visit the Louvre? No dice: You need something that will bring instantaneous cheer. And the fastest, sure-fire way for some emotional uplift is to dress up the dog. You're always delighted when the dog has clothes on, so shove the poor mutt into a sweater, tie on a goofy hat, and cackle away these last precious hours.
3. Thought you might someday wrestle a lion or punch a shark in the face? That's no longer doable at this point, so look danger in the eye and take a shower without the rubber bath mat. The chances of falling and cracking your skull will increase, somewhat. Exciting!
4. No time left to learn how to tango or speak Japanese. Try something a little easier and teach yourself baccarat. If it's swanky enough for James Bond, it's swanky enough for you. The game's super easy—it's like blackjack, except face cards are worth something different, I think. Maybe. Look it up online or something. Or just fake it! We'll all be dead soon, so who will ever know?