MAN ON A LEDGE Pictured above: Man, Ledge.

WITHIN THE FIRST 90 seconds of Man on a Ledge, Man (Sam Worthington) gets onto a Ledge (a great star turn by Ledge). Ten seconds later, Man threatens to jump off Ledge, the music gets fast, and you are supposed to wonder, "OMG! WILL HE JUMP??" If you are a person who actually wonders that, to you I say: Whoa. Have you never seen a movie before? Seriously, he's not gonna jump right away! If he did, Man would not be on Ledge and the movie would be over.

The movie is about a Man on a Ledge. That really could not be any clearer.

Man is on Ledge because he is a disgraced fugitive cop who just can't go on anymore. OR CAN HE? Is the Man/Ledge relationship merely a distraction from... something more sinister? Like some sort of heist? You'll have to watch the movie to find out!! Ha ha, just kidding. Just watch the first three minutes to find out. (Unless this really is your first movie experience ever, in which case: Huh. Weird pick.)

In addition to the brilliant work by Ledge, Elizabeth Banks stars as Cop with Baggage. She won't tolerate your BS—not with all that baggage! Jamie Bell is Man's brother. Don't worry, his character totally isn't doing anything weird with those duffel bags in the heating ducts! His girlfriend (Genesis Rodriguez) wears a very supportive bra and a low-cut shirt. (Important.) Best of all is Ed Harris as the villain. He is exactly like the animat- ronic Abraham Lincoln from Disneyland, but without a beard. Seriously, it's fucking uncanny. Frown, body turn, arm up, shake fist, body turn, frown, sit. "Grrr, robot-man voice!" Has he always been like that?

The whole dumb mess of clichés and boobs and cops is a completely brainless but kind of awesome way to spend 100 minutes in January.