THE EQUALIZER “Bang! Bang bang bang! Cabinet fixtures can be found on aisle three!”

IF YOU SAW Clint Eastwood's portrayal of a crusty old coot turned vigilante in 2008's Gran Torino, then you're already familiar with the "Angry Granddad" movie genre. The Equalizer—starring a gray-haired Denzel Washington, and loosely based on the late '80s TV series—is a solid entry in the Angry Granddad canon because it shares all of the major tropes: A once vital young dude is now a forgotten, sad old dude, but retains his stubborn sense of order and morality. Old dude develops paternal feelings for a younger woman with loose morals—depicted in The Equalizer as a prostitute. The young woman is always attacked and/or raped, inspiring angry granddad to go INSANE, somehow develop superhuman abilities, and punish the perpetrators in the most violent way possible. (Ugh. This last trope is so lazy.)

However, there are two major departure points in The Equalizer. (1) Denzel Washington is a great actor, and can almost make you forget you're watching an "Angry Granddad" flick. Almost. And (2) lots of action takes place in a Home Depot... which is so awesome. Every action movie should take place in a Home Depot, because there are so many possibilities! And believe me, Denzel makes use of every one of them—including wince-inducing violence involving barbed wire and power drills.

But! The Equalizer also features one of filmdom's greatest/most hilarious tropes—where the hero blows up the villains' entire operation, and walks away from the explosion without ever looking back. Why? Because Angry Granddad don't give a single fuck about being hit by shrapnel! (This should not be construed as an endorsement of this movie, whose sole purpose is to enable angry granddads to feel justified about being angry all the time. They should get a hobby, meet a nice older lady, and try being happier.)