UNKNOWN Liam Neeson cares not for your “art galleries.” He has asses to kick.

IN 2008'S TAKEN, Liam Neeson played a former spy who got pissed when some assholes kidnapped his daughter. He then proceeded to kill those assholes, along with anyone they'd ever done business with, met at a party, or casually nodded to. It was great.

Inexplicably, Neeson has yet to make Taken... Again (as if it would be so hard to write a script where more assholes kidnap his daughter again), instead choosing to focus on goofiness like Clash of the Titans and this Narnia business. (In one, Neeson plays a badly three-dimensionalized version of himself; in the other, he voices a lion that's actually Jesus. It's a bad news/bad news type of deal.) Thankfully, Neeson's finally back in something pretty cool and badass, even if it's not Taken... Again. (Hollywood! Call me!)

In Unknown, Neeson plays Martin Harris, a doctor who's just arrived in Berlin with his wife (January Jones) to give a speech at a biotechnology conference. But on his way to his luxury hotel, Harris' life—so much like yours and mine!—is upended when he gets in a cab that's (poorly) driven by Gina (Diane Kruger). Thanks to some CG flying everywhere, the cab plows through a bridge and sinks to the bottom of some German river, leaving Harris in a coma. When he awakes, (A) his wife says she doesn't know him, (B) creepy German dudes are following him, and (C) he gets pissed and proceeds to kill.

Well, not so much on (C). Instead, Harris makes a couple of terrible decisions, like deciding to get help from both the driving-challenged cab driver and a munchkin-like former Stasi agent (Bruna Ganz).

Eventually and thankfully, ass-kickery does commence; in the meantime, Neeson's performance is enjoyable enough to keep things interesting, while January Jones does exactly what she does on Mad Men, which is look very, very pretty and act very, very cold, which I have no problem with. That's kind of how I feel about Unknown, actually—I've got no big complaints, it works just fine, and it's kind of like a Bourne movie if Neeson killed and replaced Matt Damon and—wait. There you fuckin' go. That's your next project, Neeson. Tell that stupid lion he's gonna have to wait.