- Melanie "The Intern" Johnson
A loyal soldier in the Mercury's battle-hardened Intern Army, Melanie Johnson spends exhilarating hours blogging, painstakingly entering movie times, sharing her insights in editorial meetings, and scouring the city's venues for our events listings. There is nothing in the world she would rather be doing.
I assume this is the job you've been waiting for your entire life?
I've always dreamed about trying to pay back my student loans on absolutely no pay, two years out of college, wondering why the federal poverty level is $19,000 while I only make $5,000 a year.
We don't pay you? Weird. Does this even count as a "job"?
Wait. Should the Mercury really be publicizing their slave labor camp?
Hey, guess what, you just got a title change. You're now a Mercury Editorial Volunteer. Congratulations.
[Mumbles.]
So what do you love most about being a Mercury Editorial Volunteer?
I liked the half-full bag of Stumptown coffee I got for free once? I've learned a lot about taking the bus. I like that noticing stupid things around town is now one of my valued skill sets. I can't think of anything else. I've had way worse internships.
Like where?
A softcore porn company. It wasn't actually an internship; I just didn't get paid. So I'm counting it as an internship.
Would you recommend a career as a Mercury Editorial Volunteer to recent high school and/or college graduates?
Only if you like the feeling of hollowness in your life. And eating Clif Bars for lunch. Because you're not sure if you get a lunch break.
You can have a lunch break!
Every day?
Moving on, what skills does your job require?
The ability to differentiate Wm. Steven Humphrey from the Master on Doctor Who. That took a while. He looks super, super like the Master on Doctor Who. Also, saying yes when every fiber of your being says no. It also requires an acceptance that you'll never be able to show any of your Mercury writing samples to any legitimate employer. You know. Because of all the F-bombs.
"Legitimate" employer? What the fuck? Are you already looking for a new job? You just started like two weeks ago!
I wasn't aware that there was any end date on volunteer work.
Get me some coffee.
We have a coffee maker?
No.
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