You can't have the oppressed without the oppressors, and here's a short list of the most oppressive people, places, and things in Portland. And as we may have left one or two out, feel free to send your suggestions to lovenotes@portlandmercury.com.

• Kows for Kids
• The OLCC
• Tom & Gloria Peterson
• Noise complaints
• Food Front
• Local chapter of the AARP
• Stephany Fisher
• Traffic Light Cameras
• Banana Joe's
• Snapple
• The Gays
• Steve Malkmus
• Jet Skiiers
• Rick from Empire Glass
• Death
• The Dixie Mattress Company
Street Roots
• Michael Powell
• Michael J. Fox
• The Cacophony Society
• Rosie 105 FM
• Pink Martini
• Those futuristic parking meters
Portland Mercury
• Katie Harman
• DUI tests
• Rectal itch
• Gold-plated Joan of Arc
• Cops
• Criminals
• Chopsticks' Karaoke Jockey
• Boy Scouts of America
• Whitey
• Anyone who lives south of 82nd and Powell
• The Sun
• People who wear bicycle racing outfits when they're not even bicycle racers
• The principal at Jefferson High
• Your neighbor
• City Council (that is, when they're not on vacation)
• Pottery Barn
• Cirque du Soleil
• 24 Hour Fitness
• The Metric System
• Frank Cassano