I bet you're all like, "Oh ho ho, the Mercury's loving Big Momma's House 2 because nobody else will, and they're being ironic." WRONG! I'm loving Big Momma's House 2 because that shit is funny to the bone and features the incomparable Mar'in Lawrence. Yep, I said it—Martin is capable of comedic genius, and if you don't believe that, you obviously never saw the Martin episode "Baby, It's Cole'd in Here," where Cole's mom walks in on him screwing Big Shirley, or "Feast or Famine," the Thanksgiving episode that ends with the whole gang singing "Rapper's Delight" together. And if you still insist on hating the player, let me remind you of his hilarious late '90s hijinks, wherein he brought a gun to an airport, punched a man outside a club, sexually harassed Martin co-star Tisha Campbell, and went into a coma after jogging in Los Angeles. See—I told you! The man's a comedic genius.
Nobody cares about the plot of Big Momma's House 2, including, I suspect, the film's writers. Let's just say it's a flimsy excuse for FBI Agent Malcolm Turner (Lawrence), to go undercover as Big Momma—a morbidly obese black woman—to nanny a houseful of crazy crackers! As Big Momma would say, "When's the part of my schedule where I get to drink a 40 and watch Dr. Phil?" While Big Momma sneaks around the house at night gathering top-secret government information, during the day, she's supposed to be doing some actual nannying, and—oh Lordy!—she's not good at that! In a moment of inspiration after seeing the lawn crew outside, Big Momma cleans the living room with a leaf blower! To rap music! And in the line that drew the biggest laugh all night, Big Momma successfully cheers up the family chihuahua—by giving him tequila and telling the little ratdog, "Go 'head, get your tilt on." Whoa—does Poncho ever get his tilt on!
The rest of the movie is just a string of scenes designed to let Martin be funny in a fat suit, which is what everybody who goes to see Big Momma wants anyway. Do you think maybe the uptight white mom brings Big Momma to the spa for being such a good nanny? Of course she does, but I bet you didn't guess that the whole crew of Victoria's Secret models would be in the same dressing room as Big Momma (or that Big Momma does a running cannonball into the mud bath!). Since the movie's set in LA, what are the odds of Big Momma going to the beach for a little slow-mo run in the surf? Pretty good odds, I'll admit, but I bet you didn't see it coming when she used one of her Bo Derek cornrow beads as an FBI microphone! And when the little eight-year-old girl's cheerleading squad can't do a dance without bumping into one another, who do you think is there do show them how to dance "from the butt?" That's right. Big Momma! She's 30 times funnier than Napoleon Dynamite ever was!