Illustration by Martha Rich

SEX IS GREAT! Except for the nagging worry that your womb could get infected with a baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a planned pregnancy, but the idea of a little tadpole-creature planting itself inside of me without my permission? NO MA'AM. Plus, then you're bound not only to whatever life form crawls out of you, but to negotiating some sort of emotional and/or financial relationship with the dude who put it there. (Or you take advantage of the fact that Oregon has some of the least-restrictive abortion laws in the country. Actually, probably just do that.) So here's a quick guide to birth control options for ladies:

1. Condoms. My birth-control method of choice, because I'm just not that interested in how my boyfriend feels about things. Also I'm just a tiny bit too lazy to ever get it together make an appointment for what is clearly the best birth control option...

2. IUD. IUDs seem like a no-brainer if you know you don't want to get pregnant anytime soon. They've got a failure rate of less than one percent, you don't have to remember to take a pill every day, and no one will ever angrily throw an empty condom box at your head because you forgot to stop at the Plaid.

3. The pill. There's something kind of retro about the pill, isn't there? It strikes me as a dated and sort of crappy birth-control method at this point, given the ease and affordability of IUDs. But if you like playing chemistry set with your own hormones, then by all means.

4. Abstinence. HA! Just kidding.