Dear Japanese tourists,
Welcome to Portland. I'm honored that you've chosen our city as your vacation destination, however I would like to address one little thing; do not fucking insult us in Japanese. Some of us Portlanders, like myself, speak it quite fluently. I understand that I'm white as a sheet and don't look like it, but I understood all the crass shit you said about me. When you said my ass is huge, and you wanted to get lost in my crack, I understood that. When you said that I look like a cow and you wanted to drink my milk, I fucking understood that, too. You're rude as hell and that's why I called you out by the bus stop near Powell's. That look of utter shock on your face when you realized I understood you was absolutely priceless, and I could tell you were embarrassed as fuck. Good. I'm glad. And I'd be happy to call you out again if call me a dumb American (ばかアメリカン) again. Here's a suggestion, be a good little tourists, shove a voodoo doughnut into your mouth and unless you need directions, leave us the hell alone. 私はあなたの無礼が好きではありません!!! 日本に帰る!!!