To the chick that comes into my bar all the time to complain and ask for free shit;

Your audible assaults by way of HORRIBLE jukebox selections and your general lack of any redeemable character, consistently remind me why I prefer the company of cats. Your shameless pandering for my well-deserved tip money is almost comical. You actually believe I'll give it to you since you preface the request as follows; "So I can play some good tunes..." What the fuck?! 'Good tunes' I've never heard you play. Helen Keller would pick better music! Oh, and your taste in film is on par with a bag of rigor mortised assholes. That movie you told me about that, "OMG was SO amazing it changed your outlook on everything.blah.blah.blah..." was complete shit. Which is fitting since you probably watched it and thought, 'yay twinsies!'.