GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Hit it from the back, headboard swag. When I talk shit, shorty answer right back. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
TODAY'S TOP STORY: Horse meat found in Ikea meatballs! (You know, I could just stop Good Morning, News right here, throw a few hundred dollar bills in the air, and walk away. And you would say, "Aww, hell yeah.")
Cardinal Keith O'Brien—Scotland's Roman Catholic Archbishop—resigns amid accusations that he abused (we assume sexually) four men back in the '80s. POPE, YOU CANNOT STEP DOWN FAST ENOUGH.
There is a historic, crippling winter storm taking place (clap, clap, clap, clap) deep in the heart of Texas.
FINALLY. Oil giant BP is finally getting dragged into court for their role in the Gulf oil spill. FINALLY.
Medical marijuana businesses are getting slammed by federal taxes—some to the tune of 75 percent. OUCH!! Harsh toke, dude!
Temptations' singer Damon Harris loses his battle with prostate cancer and dies at the age of 62.
The manhunt widens for a shooter who caused a fiery wreck and explosion on the Las Vegas strip, killing three.
Proving that I live a more exciting life than most, I completely forgot about the Oscars yesterday. So here's what I know from what I read this morning.
Here is the most grotesque picture you will see from last night's Oscar parties. Maybe perhaps ever.
Here is perhaps the most grotesque tweet you will see from the Onion about a nine-year-old black girl at the Oscars. Maybe perhaps ever.
MC Hammer has been arrested in California for "resisting arrest." Ummm... in my client's defense, officers, u can't touch this.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Occasional showers and sunbreaks throughout the week. In other words, March is nearly here.
And finally, Jennifer Lawrence should get an Oscar for just being the best.